Readers, I very much wish that I could end my tenure with you by breaking a huge story. Sadly, very little happened this week in celebrity gossip, aside from President Obama's spot-on comedic timing at the White House Correspondents' Dinner, so this week will be a good old-fashioned "In Case You Missed It" piece.
Let's start with the cover stories. People Magazine named Beyonc?(c) their "Most Beautiful Woman in the World," a well-deserved honor for the stunning new mom. Beyonc?(c) is only the second black woman to win the title in the competition's 22-year history, following Halle Berry who nabbed the title in 2003. To put that in perspective, Julia Roberts has been named "Most Beautiful" four times, Michelle Pfeiffer twice. Jennifer Lopez is the only Latina on this year's list, and there are no Asian women. This trend was probably all well and good when no one paid attention, but with online sites like Jezebel and the Huffington Post critiquing the list barely cool from the printing press, People might need to re-examine its criteria in determining the most beautiful women in Hollywood.
In love triangle news, with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's announcement of their engagement last week, it was no surprise that most magazine covers had some mention of the two. It was even less surprising that OK! threw in a comment about Brad's ex-wife Jennifer Aniston in a sub-headline reading: "Already fighting over ... whether they should invite Jen!" Just a sweet, friendly reminder from the tabloids that we will never hear the end of this non-existent triangle. Ever.
In stories relevant to our undergraduate demographic: On Saturday, TMZ caught 19-year-old Hunger Games star Josh Hutcherson as he waltzed into a grocery store, bought a bottle of whiskey and waltzed back out. Thus far, no legal action has been taken. Irresponsible? Maybe-but to be fair, the kid did just fight for his life in a fictional arena.
And the lightning round: Lindsay Lohan showed up late to film her guest star scenes on Glee; no one was surprised. Canada decided that Dr. Seuss books were too political for public schools. Megan Fox is pregnant (sorry, gentlemen). And, apparently, Jessica Biel's parents hate Justin Timberlake. I can't imagine why.
Brandeis, I have had an amazing seven semesters telling you all about the latest goings-on in Hollywood. Have a great summer, a great rest of your time at Brandeis, and to my fellow pop-culture enthusiasts, remember OhNoTheyDidn't's timeless motto: the celebrities are disposable. The gossip is priceless.