The recent elimination of Red Bull from the C-Store's shelves offended students across the Brandeis campus. Were they angry about Coca-Cola's monopolistic ways, pushing a young company out of its territory? Not really. Students were angry because they knew that they would now be falling asleep during their classes.I didn't really care. I know nobody else will say it, but Red Bull tastes like someone exploded a car tire, put the remains in some solution of dirty water, chalk and sand, and mixed it, sold it and became a millionaire.
I actually enjoy Coca-Cola's new energy drink, Full Throttle, obviously named to follow the success of the Charlie's Angels sequel. The only thing I will miss is that little Red Bull car that drove by Brandeis during finals. The two hot girls who gave me Red Bull were more pleasing to the eyes than the two 50-year-old corporate representatives handing out free samples of Coke's replacement beverage.

But for those of you who have not been able to adjust to a campus without Red Bull, it's about time you protested! Normally, I would suggest a sit-in, but I realize that, without Red Bull's ungodly amount of caffeine, students would fall asleep almost instantly, and there would be no point.
So, here are some alternatives. All of the proceeds of these events would go to a campaign to bring Red Bull back to the C-store: 1. Hold a special screening of Bull Durham in the back of the C-Store. 2. Get the Chicago Bulls to hold a special basketball game in the Boulevard. 3. Rent a mechanical bull for people to ride outside Usdan. 4. Stage a Pamplona-style running of the bulls through campus, ending at the C-Store.

Why haven't we seen any protests yet? Frankly, it's because the protesting spirit has died here at Brandeis. I remember spring 2003 when students lay outside Usdan to represent Iraqi citizens killed during the war. There are people lying outside of Usdan these days, but they are sleeping due to their lack of caffeine.

This defeatist attitude has taken a hold of Brandeis. After all that effort campaigning for change, John Kerry loses. After convincing your parents of the merits of a linguistics major, Adam Jaffe tries to eliminate the program. These pessimistic and helpless feelings have crushed the protesting spirit of my fellow students. But getting Red Bull back is a worthy cause.

Take my advice before it's too late. When the C-Store removed Pasta Anytime from its shelves, I went on a hunger strike. It didn't work, and I couldn't eat that Bowl Apptit garbage, so I cried in my room for three straight days. But it didn't bring my favorite microwavable meal back. You need to be organized to get what you want. Contact me if you want the phone number for that mechanical bull.