I was eight years old when a man inexplicably named after a delicious beverage came into my life. I didn't know who he was or why he ran (or rather, drove like an old lady), but his face was on every channel and every magazine for grown-ups. Having two hard working, often- absent parents, The Juice was as warm and friendly a sight to me as either of their faces. Every day he stood in front of the nation, smiled politely and claimed he was innocent. This charming cuddle-bunny could do no wrong. When they announced the verdict of Simpson's murder trial over the radio to my tightly huddled fourth grade homeroom class, I was quivering with fear for his safety. When they told us he was innocent, I ran laps around the room. Meanwhile, my teacher uttered an obscenity that we can't here.

Growing up, I became keenly aware of his obvious guilt, but my inner child still had a soft spot for The Juice. Though he was spared the punishments of our legal system, I thought 12 years of public ridicule and scorn was punishment enough. People can be really mean, after all. Still, he got lucky, and he should have kept his head down.

For those of you who are too young to have bonded with the vitamin-rich fruit man, Orenthal James "O.J" Simpson was a successful NFL athlete who, after separating from his wife, Nicole Brown, was accused of murdering her and a poor waiter, Ron Goldman, who was returning her sunglasses to her from a restaurant. A snoozer of a police chase and a year of over-hyped litigation followed.

Life dealt Simpson another near-fatal blow to the cranium this week when he was arrested for the suspected armed theft of a collection of sports memorabilia kept in Las Vegas' Palace Station Hotel. Though he initially denied the allegations, calling the incident a "misunderstanding," his accomplice, Walter Alexander, was later detained and questioned by police. Unfortunately for The Juice, Alexander confessed, and Simpson is now sitting in jail, awaiting a trial that could land him in prison for up to 30 years.

If that weren't enough, the family of victim Ron Goldman, has purchased the rights to O.J's cancelled pseudo-confessional book, "If I did it," and plans to re-distribute it under a new title, "If I Did It: Confessions of the Killer." Harsh.