Klein: Good morning, Mr. Klein, and welcome back to “Klein: Unrelated.” 

Klein: It’s nice to be back for another issue of our illustrious column.

Klein: Yes! It is. Even though we are returning from a brief hiatus, this week we are back and better than ever. Did you have a nice holiday?

Klein: Yeah, I had a great Thanksgiving! How was your break?

Klein: It was good. I didn’t celebrate Christmas.

Klein: Oh? Because you’re Jewish?

Klein: Yes, exactly.

Klein: Well, I had some great food — which was a nice reprieve from Brandeis dining.
Klein: Speaking of great food, three weeks ago we applied our reviewing talents to the mother of all cheap college eats: pizza!

Klein: And… was it great?

Klein: Not really, no.

Klein: Oh, O.K. 

Klein: We went to AK’s right by campus and although the location was convenient, the food did not seem authentically Italian —  unlike last issue’s visit to Olive Garden. To be fair, I will say that the service was quite speedy. 

Klein: Probably because no one was there. 

Klein: You would think that they’d be more popular given how often they’re mentioned by Brandeis Athletics, but when we visited we were the only customers there.

Klein: That’s because no one goes to Brandeis Athletics either. 

Klein: Fair point. Disregarding the turnout, or lack thereof, what were your thoughts on the pizza at AK’s?

Klein: I thought it was alright. For the low prices and low wait times the pizza was fine enough, but the quality of ingredients and flavor profile was subpar. What did you think?

Klein: In my opinion, the pizza was much too greasy. That was all you could taste. It was so overwhelming, you could barely recognize any other flavors at all.

Friedman: The grease is where you get the taste from.

Klein: I have to disagree here. With good pizza, you want to be able to taste the gooey cheese and rich tomato sauce. In AK’s case, the grease took away from the better parts of the pizza. I may even venture to say that Sherm's flatbread pizza beats the pizza from AK’s.

Klein: Woah! So what would you rank it out of 100,000?

Klein: What is it with you and weird ranking scales? Besides, isn’t that just the same as rating it out of 10, but with three more sig-figs?

Klein: No. This is a completely novel ranking scale. It is undoubtedly distinct from a ranking out of 10.

Klein: Sure. Whatever you have to tell yourself. Anyways, I’d give it a 43,253. How about you?

Klein: I’d go for 38,996.

Klein: This week, in addition to our totally original ranking system, we should start a list of our favorite places to get a slice within walking distance of campus.  

Klein: Yes! Great idea.

Klein: To start, Usdan pizza is number one.

Klein: Next, I’d have Sherm flatbread at number two.

Klein: Third should be AK’s.

Klein: And coming in last, we have kosher Sherm pizza.

Klein: Wow. What a comprehensive list. 

Klein: Yep. We’re clearly professionals.

Klein: We should try NY Pie next and see where they fit into our rankings.

Klein: That sounds like a good idea. Well, ‘til next time: happy holidays.