Ah, the life of a film critic: getting paid to watch movies, schmoozing with the stars. Beyond the perks, however, it's like any profession-ridden with frustrations.Just ask The Boston Phoenix critic Peter Keough, who spoke Sunday in the Shapiro Art Gallery about the reality behind the glamour.

For example, studios shamelessly attempt to charm their way to better reviews by peppering film critics with promotional freebies, known as "swag."

"Remember the scene in American Pie 2 where he mixes up the lubricant and the Krazy Glue? Now you can do that at home," he quipped, removing a small package from a cardboard tube.

"Swag serves a purpose of bribing, I guess," Keough mused. "And humiliating."

The game often goes a step further, as studios invite critics to extravagant press junkets. "The studios will gather together 100 critics," Keough said, speaking from personal experience, "send them to a fancy hotel in New York or L.A., put them up in a four-star hotel ... take them to see the movie. [Then] they go back and write completely objective reviews."

Many of Keough's peers inflate their opinions in order to win the coveted newspaper advertisement blurb. "Any time you use the word 'best,' or any other superlative other than the word 'worst,' you have a chance," he said.

It's an unspoken practice for publicity professionals to call critics and ask them to put their name to one of a provided selection of quotes. That, suspects Keough, is the source of slavish blurbs such as "a high-octane thrill ride!" and his personal favorite (to read, not to use), "spleen-burstingly funny."

Honest reviews get the short end. Keough recalled being eager to write about the Coen Brothers' Blood Simple, and thus inform the public about a new masterpiece.

The movie's newspaper ad cannibalized his review to "****."

From the way Keough tells it, his job definitely has its pros and cons. Flickers of interest crossed several faces when he said, "Everyone has their opinions. But I get paid for mine." Still, you've got to expect a few organ ruptures on the job.