One can't help but feel resentful reading about tabloid newsmakers such as Paris Hilton, who has a brain capacity barely equal to that of a comatose patient, yet also has the luxury to spend more money on a piece of jewelry than most of us make in a lifetime. At the same time, however, it's hard not to revel in the hours of entertainment and amusement they provide just by opening their mouths. Never one to disappoint, Hilton recently gave the public another reason to chuckle with her defense against a slander lawsuit.The lawsuit, filed last summer by Zeta Graff, a former girlfriend of Hilton's similarly-named ex-fianc Paris Latsis, accused the female Paris of providing the New York Post with "vicious lies" about Graff for its infamous Page Six.

The main lie involved an alleged incident in which Graff lashed out against Hilton at a nightclub in London, attempting to tear Hilton's multi-million-dollar diamond necklace off her neck. While Hilton now admits the incident never occurred, she places the rumor's blame on her former publicist, Rob Shuter. Shuter was quick to deny the claim, presenting an e-mail written by Hilton praising the item. In her defense Hilton responded, "Whatever I write in e-mail, it doesn't mean anything. It is just words I write."

In addition to her sixth-grade rationale for her actions, Hilton displayed her shocking lack of knowledge of geography and culture during her deposition. In response to Graff's lawyer's questioning of Hilton's knowledge regarding the item making its way into "U.K. publications," Hilton replied, "No, there is stuff in London." Furthermore, Paris explained that her confusion of the article's reprint location was due to her spending the summer in Europe and dealing with a challenging language barrier. "I was in Europe the whole summer, and all there is is like French," she explained. "I didn't see anything because I wasn't in America."

The aforementioned quotes, just a few of the gems spoken by Hilton during the deposition, make the bimbo beauties on Beauty and the Geek look like future Marie Curies.