For the first time in my life, I appreciated the delay before a good show began. As hundreds found seats, or settled for floor room off to the side, I had several minutes to reflect on what I wanted most out of a contest of comedians. The inhabitants of the world of humor are best judged not by the degree to which they amuse, but instead simply by whether they are funny or not. On the other hand, giving some additional recognition to the "best" comedian sounds reasonable enough.Fortunately, "The Chosen One," sponsored by Heeb Magazine, generally consisted of funny participants. Some of them acted as judges as well, which didn't seem quite right at first: How can you judge the contestants fairly if you're simultaneously competing against them? Fortunately, those in charge had prepared for this dilemma. The stakes were kept low, consisting not of money or televised stardom, but instead a cardboard fish and a lifelong subscription to Heeb (actually, a pretty good publication-and no, they didn't pay me to say so).

The contest began in an academic vein. Bad Grammer performed a sketch on writing the perfect "bullshit history paper," deciding, at the audience's behest, on JFK's assassination as the topic. They began well, with the unexpected but not wholly unfamiliar "Thousands of years ago, before the dawn of man..."

Pete Holmes, the self-described "goy portion of the show," engaged the audience directly, facetiously picking on individuals in the crowd and elaborately comparing one individual to a squirrel. The majority approved of this mockery, the victims didn't mind and the rest received the jokes well.

Proving that all humor is exaggeration or the unexpected, a sudden, clamorous belch from among the back rows in the middle of Holmes' impressive performance left the room stunned into impressed silence. After waiting several moments, Mr. Holmes, not one to be outdone, gave the belch the compliment it deserved, conceding, "Speaking of perfect comic timing." Turning back to an amused crowd, he said, happily, "I like you." Noisy, appreciative applause attested that the audience liked him even more.

Boris' Kitchen followed with a sketch satirizing intrusive methods of advertising (hopefully, it'll never get as bad as their vision, which entailed a salesman entering a house and begging the patronage of two sizzling lovers from behind a couch.) Boris' Kitchen matched Bad Grammer's appreciation of history with a roundtable featuring George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Alexander Hamilton and Benjamin Franklin. This portrayal of the Founding Fathers, however, found them with the minds of adolescents, struggling to add more to the Declaration of Independence beyond "dueling asses and booty."

The duo of Gabe Leibman and Jenny Slate literally promised some 59 jokes, although thanks to the time constraint, these gags left much to be desired-specifically, the other 57 of them.

Despite coming last in the program, Dan Natterman was no less funny than his peers, cracking the room up with his take on people courteously wishing "happy holidays" to Jews. "They call Christmas parties holiday parties," he ranted. "Why don't they just call it a Christmas party with a menorah in the corner [on which] people hang their coats? Just say, 'Merry Christmas, Jew.'"

In the end, however, it was Josh Gondelman '07 who told the best-received jokes, among them a hilarious snipe at the constant obscenities on television-most specifically, the fact that it's becoming increasingly awkward to watch TV with a grandparent.

Gondelman clearly stole the show, and the audience enthusiastically chose him with a standing ovation as their champion of the evening. But the most meaningful award for Gondelman would come from his peers: one judge declared him a "comic's comic.