If you've been able to escape the Olympics this summer you've probably been sleeping for the past couple of weeks. We all have heard ad nauseum about Michael Phelps' race for his gold medals in swimming, how patriotism doesn't extend to rooting for a bunch of overpaid NBA players on the United States men's b"asketball team, an up-and-coming female gymnastics star in Carly Patterson, a controversial gold medal in the men's all around gymnastics to Paul Hamm, and of course, terrorism and doping. But there are a few things you may have missed from the games. And they thought their biggest problems were going to be unfinished buildings and terrorists. First it was reports about high winds causing at least ten Olympic sailboats to capsize.

Then came reports about the heat which caused serious fatigue for all the athletes and caused changes to many sports such as cycling due to weather reaching well over 100 degrees.

But if you're looking for a reason that it could have been so hot in Athens, look no further than the athletes themselves. Six of the women in the games-Lokelani McMichael (Triathlon), Niki Gudex (Mountain Biking), Amanda Beard (Swimming), Marion Jones (Track and Field), Mehgan Heaney-Grier (Free Diving), and Misty May (Beach Volleyball)-all posed for Maxim Magazine. Not wanting to be outdone, Playboy Magazine put out (no pun intended) their recent issue titled "Women of the Olympics" with a 12-page nude pictorial of eight Olympic women-Amy Acuff (High Jump), Ineta Radevica (Triple Jump and Long Jump), Zhanna Block (Athletics, 100m), Mary Sauer (Pole Vault), Haley Cope (Swimming, 100m Backstroke), Susan Tiedtke-Green (Long Jump), Fanni Juhasz (Pole Vault), Katie Vermeulen (Athletics, 1500m) -"celebrating the sexy athleticism of the human form." And Playboy supposedly offered hottie Jennie Finch, the gold-winning pitcher for the United States softball team, named one of People's "50 Most Beautiful People," and ESPN.com's favorite female athlete, over a million dollars to pose nude for them. So far she's declined to the chagrin of all male "softball fans" around the world.

But if those male... um... softball fans wanted to see sexy women at the games, they had to look no further than the beach - beach volleyball that is. Besides the fact that all the athletes in this sport wear bathing suits, this is a pretty innocent sport, right? Think again.

This year the Olympics featured bikini-clad cheerleaders (for both the guys and the girls) to try to keep the crowds and the television audience interested. The Associated Press reported a fan named Norman Brown brought his three sons to the Olympics from England. They came to the beach Tuesday after watching Britain play field hockey. When they spotted the dancers, they quickly grabbed four front-row seats.

"We'll come again," Brown said as he videotaped them. Now isn't that good publicity?

Speaking of coming again (and the bad puns continue), condom manufacturer Durex donated 130,000 prophylactics as well as 30,000 sachets of lubricant for Olympics "to smooth the performance of the world's elite sports people in the arena and under the covers," Durex said in a statement. These were made available to the 13,500-17,000 officials and athletes (depending on which report you read) attending the games. That means that every person got about 7.6-9.6 condoms and a sachet and a half of lube to get them through the games. Good thing that Wilt Chamberlain wasn't a member of the "Bad Dream Team," or else they may have had a problem.

So while you were watching swimming and gymnastics, or trying to find Brandeis graduate, fencer Tim Morehouse, '00, or waiting for more news on terrorism or doping at the Olympics, or falling asleep to the recap from Bob Costas (to whose voice I think I'm going to make a sleep tape), you may have missed some pretty amazing things.

You may have missed United States Women's Softball outscore their opponents 51-1 to win the gold. You may have missed windsurfer, Gal Friedman (whose dad named him after the sea) winning the first ever gold for Israel. You may have missed the Iraqi soccer team's improbable run towards gold. You may have missed some new commercials since, well, it really is all about money. But most of all, you may have missed heat, sex, and sexy people all over the games. Those are all risks you took while you were sleeping.