"And all the girlies say I'm pretty fly for a white guy." -The OffspringAdmit it. You do it. You're in a bad mood, so you add to your away message some lyrics from a depressing song or type in some cryptic poetry. It's the computerized equivalent of playing Nirvana songs so loud that your whole hall can hear. Instead of calling up mom and telling her about your bad day, you broadcast it to the world through Instant Messenger.

"Hey everyone, I'm feeling upset, see the depressing lyrics? Don't you want to ask me what's wrong?"

Or maybe you're one of those people who feels the need to share with the world his or her whereabouts constantly. "Hey I'm at the gym, just in case you need me. Here's my cell phone number, my room number, my pager and class schedule."

Or you could be the type who puts up silly trivia quizzes about themselves. Is there a higher form of narcissism? You're probably the kind of person who "accidentally" mentions his 4.0 GPA, too.

Oh, but no, you aren't the worst of the bunch. No, the people who suffer the most from IM addiction are those who spend hours of their day crafting the perfect profile. Just the right mix of lyrics, links and quotes. They're the kind of person who signs onto instant messenger and then immediately puts up an away message. You know who you are.

I know, I'm being a little harsh on you IM junkies. I too, have been guilty of the same behavior on at least a few occasions. But if you know me, you'll notice that my profile is usually completely blank, or at its most crowded, contains an interesting link or two. Wait-before the hate letters accusing me of egoism come pouring in, hear me out.

You see, I understand where all of you are coming from. Really, I do.
Some of you are simply sharing things you enjoy with your friends. There's nothing wrong with putting up something funny, your poetry, or a cool quote. And sometimes, someone does need to get a hold of you and a cell number is useful. Some of you, though, use Instant Messenger as a front to the rest of the world. You use it to project a cooler image of yourself-idealized and oversimplified.

Why do we feel the need to define ourselves through our Instant Messenger profiles? Great, you like the Onion, so do a lot of other people. What people like you are doing is no different than wearing Abercrombie & Fitch. You want everyone to think you're going places and doing things so you put up an away message with your cell phone number-even though you're really sitting around in your boxers looking at porn.

I've got news for all of you: you're trying too hard. Stop taking IM so seriously. All your efforts to get people to pay attention to you are completely transparent. You know that person who wears all big labels and purposely name-drops during conversations? Yeah, that annoying person who's always posing? Well, that's you. (OK, maybe not exactly you, but you get the idea.)

IM isn't a job interview and you're profile is not your rsum-you're not even dealing with real people. Consider who you're typing to at 2 a.m.: A bunch of other people with nothing better to do, each presenting his or her own idealized persona.

Yes, my profile may seem blank and boring, but that's because I don't think we can be boiled down to a few URLs and a list of our favorite movies. Come on people, we're more complex than our likes and dislikes. Give yourself some credit.

If you want others to notice you, less is more. Don't give it all away on the first date. You're not that easy. Make people want to find out who you are; a little mystery goes a long way. What are my favorite movies? The good ones.

Think I'm on crack? Think I've got it all wrong about why people put tons of lyrics in their profiles? E-mail me at techcolumn@brandeis.edu and tell me what's up.