"Fact: Asparagus is just really tall grass." Erroneous statements about pee-altering vegetables are hard to come by at Brandeis. When one does hear such a statement, he or she must cherish the moment, and at the Women's Field Hockey coffeehouse last Wednesday night at Chums there were many such joyful moments to cherish; asparagus-related and otherwise. Fact: No one sounds like Julian Casablancas of the Strokes and no one should attempt to. The band Please Be Our Drummer played their very first gig while opening the coffeehouse. Like the satirical name suggests, the four-person band lacks a drummer and instead features a guitarist, a bassist, a keyboardist and a singer. The band began its set to loud applause with a funkified version of The Beatles "Baby You Can Drive my Car." It was immediately obvious that the three instrumentalists of the band were very talented musicians.

The guitarist, in particular, was very gifted, and he played with such abandon that he broke a string during the show. Unfortunately, the band seemed to have trouble playing together. The music was clunky at times and the band sounded better when any of the members soloed or when there was less noise onstage. The lead singer, Daniel Hirschhorn '07, was full of energy, but sadly his voiced clashed violently with the music being played. His strained vocals sounded more like that of a karaoke singer than a rock star. The few times Hirschhorn toned down his vocals, his voice was more melodic and better matched the music. The band also attempted a cover of The Strokes' "Alone Together." During the song, Hirshhorn was clearly trying to hit notes he was incapable of singing, and the result was less than pretty. Still, the crowd enjoyed the energy of the band and even yelled for an encore when they finished their five-song set. Because Please Be Our Drummer shows promise, it is likely with more practice and experience they will be able to improve the vocals and their ability to play together.

Fact: While Outkast's "Hey Ya" sounds good on the radio, it sounds even better when the a cappella group Voices of Soul performs it in-person. The group, dressed entirely in black, quickly impressed the audience with their soulful vocals and swaying hips. Benjamin Woodring '06 sounded like a full-sized studio of pounding drum machines as he flawlessly created beats, scratches and other percussion for the group using only his voice. Meanwhile, Jamena Scott '04 unleashed a ridiculously fast and crystal-clear rap as the group sang TLC's "Don't go Chasing Waterfalls." Scott then led the group in an audience-rousing rendition of "Hey Ya." Voices of Soul imitated Andre 3000 as they danced with hands outstretched and even shook Polaroid pictures when the lyrics called for it. When Scott called out ,"What's cooler than cool?" the crowd shouted back "Ice Cold!" It was so fresh and so clean it was one of the most memorable moments at a coffeehouse in recent history.

Fact: TBA is consistently one of the most hilarious improv groups on campus. TBA was in top comedic form at the Women's Field Hockey coffeehouse. From the opening game they played called Chain Murder, where they made jokes about everything from deadly splinters to failed lobotomies to the game where they shouted random facts about words the audience gave, like asparagus, TBA kept the audience smiling and doubled-over with laughter throughout their entire performance. This is no easy task for a group that improvises everything on the spot.

Darnisa Amante '06 was so funny in a skit about a gladiator match that even the other members of TBA couldn't help but to laugh out loud. TBA finished their sidesplitting set with an improv skit about teenie boppers, untimely death, and a play called "Skipping with Mary-Kate and Ashley." The skit might have been incomprehensible if not for the efforts of Rachel Bressler '04, who showed powerful skill as a physical comedian when she lifted three large guys in the skit that had "died" and made their limp bodies skip across the stage. Bressler, like the rest of the group, had impeccable timing, and TBA bowed off the stage to riotous applause.

Fact: Brandeisians will never get enough a cappella. Following TBA, Starving Artists took the stage. The group had pleasant vocals and simple arrangements, but overall they were unremarkable. Their large group seemed crowded on the small stage, and they seemed to be merely going through the motions.

The last act to perform at the coffeehouse was the superb a cappella group Company B. If anyone at chum's had tired of a cappella by this time, Company B was intent on changing their minds. As they took the stage, the group shushed the audience and waited until everyone fell dead quiet. They then launched into a lyric-less scat-style piece composed mostly of "boop-du-ahhhh" in which every person had a solo. The range and distinctive voices of the group were astounding. There was not a single mediocre singer among them. All through the piece, the members danced and swayed in perfect time both with each other and the music. The overall effect was spellbinding. This is how a cappella should be done. The group had a few more songs before they left, each more impressive than the last.

Fact: The Women's Field Hockey Team threw an excellent coffeehouse. Even with the abundance of a cappella groups, Chums remained crowded throughout their coffee house and it was never boring. Thanks to Brandeis' field hockey team, talk of asparagus has never been this much fun.