The tricky part about writing a column is that it needs "content," and that's why I haven't produced one in a while. But then an idea came to me: Why not take the Seinfeld route and write a column about nothing? It could be little more than a random collection of my thoughts, feelings and opinions. What fun for the reader!So here, for your amusement, hatred, and-most likely-complete apathy, I present the illegitimate child of Larry King's "King's Things" and Dan Shaughnessy's "Picked Up Pieces..." a glimpse inside my head dealing with everything from politics to music to sports and back again, a tour de force of wit, reason and penis jokes.
Welcome to "Singal's Thingles."

-An entire nation lost its innocence on the evening of Sunday, Feb. 1, when, thanks to a lascivious Super Bowl halftime performance by Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson, it was irrefutably proven that women have breasts.

-Will Howard Dean some day look back at the 2004 primaries and come close to tears as he realizes a single missed Rabies shot cost him his only chance at the presidency? Only time will tell.

-Michael Irvin is the most abrasive, annoying, horrible football commentator of all time. And Stuart Scott is my favorite Sportscenter anchor.

-The worst feeling in the world is when you're extremely low on both gas and time.

-The second-worst feeling is when your alarm fails to go off and you oversleep an important class or exam by five hours.

-The next time you're in your car, pop in your favorite CD and start to sing along. Open the windows, blast the music and wail right along with it. Go crazy. Then, hit the power button on the CD player but keep singing at the same volume. That's what you sound like.

-Maybe when you die, your soul goes really deep underwater. I feel like no one has ever really explored this possibility. Why not? What are they trying to hide?

-If you could talk politics over tea with either Paris Hilton or Britney Spears, who would you choose?

-Maybe Arnold Schwarzenegger isn't really the governor of California. Maybe we, as a nation, are simply in the process of being Punk*d.

-Will Ferrell could mercilessly butcher an entire family to death, and I'd still laugh. I'm sorry, but it's true.

-Is it intolerant to not tolerate intolerance?

-At The Drive-In is the most fantastic band ever. The Impossibles are up there too.

-Donnie Darko is a really cool movie. Any Given Sunday is awful.

-Tomcat in Love by Tim O'Brien, is an excellent book. Just in case you were wondering.

-Would it be narcissistic to write an entire column that is little more than a rambling monologue and think anyone would care enough to read it?

-Generally speaking, I tend to dislike anything popular enough to have staying power on commercial radio, but at the same time I've been listening to Andr 3000's "Hey Ya" nonstop since I first heard it last July. Does that mean I'm somehow going soft?

-One of the most important things college has taught me is that crazy, whiny and ignorant liberals can be every bit as annoying as crazy, whiny and ignorant conservatives. Thanks, college!

-Through some incredible stroke of luck, the past month has provided three of the most incredible video clips I've ever seen: Break-dancers performing for a rather lethargic Pope, a monkey riding a dog at a rodeo and the aforementioned Dean paroxysm. Maybe there is a God, after all.

-Using words like "paroxysm" makes you appear intelligent to those who don't know you well.

-Some nerd named Jon Blake Cusack named his baby Jon Blake Cusack 2.0. It's far too easy a joke, but since I don't set the bar very high, I'm going to go ahead and say that I can't wait until I have a kid so I can name him Jesse Singal XP or-even better-Jesse Singal Excel Pro.

-How many episodes of Letterman and Leno would it take to reach the amount of funny found in each and every hour of Conan?

-Mel Gibson's The Passion of Christ comes out soon and is already generating a lot of controversy. Now, I know I'm not the first person to say this, but why are those idiots who blame Jews for the death of Jesus so angry? I mean, assuming for the sake of argument this despicable lie is true, shouldn't they thank the Jews for starting their religion? Talk about being ungrateful. Jesus.

-What's up with the pizza at the Boulevard? The fact that I see people eating it every time I'm up there simply blows my mind.

-One of the best episodes of The Simpsons ever is the one where Homer thinks Bart is gay. Truly a classic.