Last week's MTV Video Music Awards marked the 20th anniversary of what seems to have become the only award show that matters anymore in the music world. Face it, the Grammy's are a joke; a bizarre institution of old men who pick music that is either number one on TRL or by some band that was really famous and amazing in the 70s and has not been able to adapt to any of the changing music trends. Once they've confused their audience with the nominees, they then proceed to pick the most obscure artist in the category for the award, confusing their audience even more, and causing viewers to throw their clickers at the television in disgust and annoyance. And the American Music Awards are basically awards given to whomever is popular at the time. Similarly, the Billboard Music Awards is based entirely on charts and therefore based entirely on the hormones of 13-year-old girls. Besides, no one watches either of those shows anyway.So that leaves us with MTV's Video Music Awards, which began as an awards show truly apart, as it didn't really have anything to do with music and everything to do with videos. I mean, just look at its name: "video" before "music," as it is with everything at MTV these days. Mozart could probably come back from the dead - or Tu Pac for that matter - and write the musical masterpiece of the 21st century, but if it didn't have a good video, MTV wouldn't put it on the air. But what am I saying? Tu Pac was nominated for a VMA this year ... and he's been dead since 1996! But I think this year's returning host, Chris Rock, said it best about halfway through the show when he pointed out that MTV "doesn't even play music videos that much! It's all about the shows."

Does that mean MTV is unqualified to continue on with the VMAs? I'm inclined to think so. It doesn't help that Nelly's perennial hit, "Hot in Herre," was nominated for yet another award. Didn't that song come out over a year ago? I swear, it's expiration date for a VMA has long gone. And while MTV did right by awarding Missy Elliot's "Work It" video both "Best Hip Hop Video" and "Video of The Year" honors, it took her 18 nominations to finally win! And we're talking about a woman who has made some of the most intense, eye-catching and innovative videos in the past five years. Jesus, even *NSYNC won a VMA before her.

And the show, itself? Oh, the show itself. MTV, are you living under a rock? The Olsen Twins as presenters? Metallica as performers? You've got to be kidding me. "St. Anger" was one of the worst Metallica albums ever made, even according to hardcore Metallica fans. Besides, don't you guys remember that they have alienated every single person under the age of 35 because of their beef with Napster and the rest of the file sharing industry? Metallica is making my life miserable, and I really don't want to hear them close the show with a medley of their old songs. I guess it could have been worse, though; they could have closed with something off of "St. Anger."

The performances were sub-par all night long, actually. The show opened with Britney Spears doing something even more controversial than stripping to her own music -she kissed Madonna. Well, actually, Christina Aguilera kissed Madonna, too, but no one seemed to care about that. Maybe she's just expected to be skanky at all times now. And while I'm sure MTV wanted you to believe that it was a purely spontaneous and unplanned moment, the fact that they were so prepared to cut to a close-up of Justin Timberlake's face exactly one nanosecond after the kiss began really ruined that concept. And for the record, he didn't look like he cared one way or another about his ex kissing the Queen of Pop.

Christina Aguilera took the stage again to give a half-hearted performance of both her songs "Dirrty" and "Fighter." Her voice was actually surprisingly steady for someone doing that much dancing in a corset. Maybe if she learned how to make herself look like the pretty girl she is, and not like some Anna Nicole knock-off stripper, I could get behind her obvious vocal talents more. And Beyonc - who has apparently decided to only use her first name in her solo career, Oe la Cher and the aforementioned Madonna - gave a decent performance of some new song and her bumpin' hit "Crazy In Love" (complete with mad booty shaking and Jay-Z). Why she decided to enter the stage by hanging upside down in a very misguided harem outfit, however, is beyond me.

But Coldplay hit the spot with their stripped-down performance of "The Scientist." Well, actually, it wasn't stripped down at all: it was exactly what you would get if you saw Coldplay in concert. That is, to say, no crazy dancers, no insane lights or pyrotechnics, just a band, a piano and a really good song. I doubt any of the rising pop divas will take notice, but "The Scientist" got a warmer reception that most of the other performances, whereas the audience seemed only to be applauding the effort the artists put into their stage shows. Maybe Coldplay will set a trend in VMA performances of the future - one involving concentrating on your music, not your outfit.

Sometime, about 20 years back, the VMAs were cutting edge. Hell, everything about MTV was cutting edge back in 1983. But it's been the same routine for 20 years now, and the only thing that changes is the amount of skin shown on stage and on the red carpet. Chris Rock mentioned that at its age, MTV should start watching VH1. The dig, obviously a joke, rings with brutal truth, like most of Rock's comedy. What MTV is doing is getting old, and people are starting to take notice. They've become a channel that tries too hard to stay too young. Maybe 20 years will mark a point where MTV lets go of its teenybopper youth and begins to mature a little bit. But I probably shouldn't get my hopes up, should I?