Hey homeys (I hope that term isn't politically incorrect by now). I'm back with another acerbic column for you to read on the john. Today I resort to that tool of the lazy writer who is lacking for a good idea, "the list." I assure you, however, that this column will be more interesting than others in the genre such as "10 Things I Hate about you" and "8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter."Red Sox-Yankees is another one of those rivalries in sports that is more smoke and mirrors than actual feud. It is supposed to represent a microcosm of the New England- Tri-State rivalry, a war between the successful New Yorker's and the working-class Irish, but it instead represents 60 or so years of displaced frustration for Red Sox fans, and time better spent discussing "Seinfeld" for Yankees fans. The ten reasons I show apathy towards a series that has many on this campus in a tizzy.

10. Drew Henson- Those of you who were watching the game on Saturday were treated to a sight to behold. An amazing $20 million waste, Henson represents one of the worst signings in the free agent era. I like to think of him as Steinbrenner's eight-figure brain fart. He is the Michigan Golden Boy who some Yankee loyalists would like to see at the bottom of Lake Superior.

Henson has spent year after year in the Yankee farm system, producing a dozen homers, 130 strikeouts, very few walks and a batting average that makes Adam Dunn look like Ichiro. The guy, quite simply, has no place on a major league roster, and certainly not at the salary he is making. Twenty million dollars could buy many things, including: 6.67 million triple-cheeseburger value meals from Burger King, 400 million minutes of phone service with 10-10-220 and a lifetime supply of petroleum jelly for Mike Piazza.

9. Luis Sojo- Sometimes I feel like I am writing to myself. Is anyone else disgusted to see Luis Sojo back on the Yankee roster? Oh, wait, I apologize, Luis Sojo's legal name is "Veteran Presence," because that is how the announcers seem to refer to him, as if letting him put a bat in his hands magically makes the rest of the team good enough to overcome Sojo's ineptitude.

Sojo should take a tip from Rafael Palmeiro and rub some Viagra on his bat. In his last run in the majors, Sojo hit .165 with 4 walks and 2 doubles. Those numbers make him a legitimate offensive threat; a threat to the crowd when the bat flies out of his hands.

I am tired of the Yankees giving mercy tours to these supposed leaders who gave them so much. When I see Luis Sojo, I see a .261 hitter who doesn't walk and can't get an extra base hit for his life.

8. Roger Clemens- Don't get me wrong, Roger Clemens is one of the five greatest pitchers in major league history. We should, however, look at this objectively.

In front of us is a 41-year old pitcher who can still strike men out. On the other hand, Clemens is not the same pitcher he was for the Red Sox, or even the Blue Jays. It is not a marquee matchup to see a guy with an ERA over four face a knuckleballer like Boston's ancient Tim Wakefield.

I'll be happy when Roger Clemens retires. Baseball needs arrogant, violent windbags like it needs a collective colonic.

7. Fenway Park- If I want to see close to 40,000 people screaming at the top of their lungs in the midst of a bout of insanity, I'll go to Greenwich Village in Manhattan. Plus, free fumes!

6. Aaron Boone- What could be more frustrating than watching your team make a horrible trade that is in no way justifiable? I actually know the answer to this one! The answer, my friend, is watching Aaron Boone mangle at-bat after at-bat in his never ending struggle to produce like the average hitter that's he's become.

Giving up lefty Brandon Claussen, who could prove to be a cheap and solid fifth starter, in order to jettison veteran RobinVentura, who wasn't performing poorly at all, while acquiring a more expensive player who only hit at the Great Architectural Catastrophy Ballpark is baffling. The Yankees will be better off when they stop making trades like this one.

5. Karim Garcia- I never insult a player for appearances. I try to let their performance on the field do the talking. But let me say this: I don't believe there has ever been a major leaguer who has looked more like a slow pitch softball player than Karim Garcia.

On the performance side, Garcia has given the Yankees nearly 100 at-bats this season. In that span he has hit .194 with a double and five walks. If it weren't for the five homers he hit against the dregs of the American League he would be a contender for the title of the Least Valuable Player in the AL.

4. Tim Wakefield- When you think of "game of the week" what do you think of? I can tell you what you don't think of: A 37-year-old knuckleballer who manages to stay in the majors by having a good year twice a decade.

3. 84-56 - The Yankee payroll is making a mad dash towards $200 million. Despite this, their winning percentage is only slightly than that of the Red Sox, while it's worse than that of several other major league teams

2. The AL Wild Card- Call me unimpressed, but I am not caught up in pennant-race fever. In the greater scheme of things, it says nothing if one of the quartet of teams involved in the race finishes a game behind its next closest competitor. The difference is so negligible it should not stand as proof of anything.

At stake is millions in ticket sales, advertising revenue and many other things that make a team much richer. To think that something so small makes the loser of the two so much worse off is a problem in baseball, and society in general, that is thoroughly upsetting.

1. Babe Ruth- If I hear one more ignoramus spout out the phrase "Curse of the Bambino," I may in turn utter the phrase, "spending the rest of your adult life in diapers.