If you were to travel back to 1995 and ask someone who the most admirable person in baseball was, the odds are they would have said Kirby Puckett was the man. Everything about him spoke for his "general goodness," from Kirby's bright smile to his selfless charity work. Kirby's odd penchant for chainsaw wielding and public urination, however, now stand as strong proof that the pen of the writer is no reason to buy into the hype that often surrounds our star athletes.Intangibles are a blanket term that journalists love to use. They essentially refer to anything that cannot be quantified with statistics in terms of a player's value to his / her team. It is one of the great farcical terms used by people; it does not mean diddly-shiznit. If a moronic General Manager like the Kansas City Royals' Allard Baird wants to rationalize giving Neifi Perez $5 million a year he simply talks about that player's ability to "do the things that cannot be measured."

If a writer wants to take up space saying Barry Bonds is not the best in baseball, that reporter may throw out the term, "clubhouse cancer." These terms mean nothing more than a simple rationalization thrown out for the inability of these types of people to comprehend statistics, or for those that can it is a convenient way to hedge their bets.

So what does all this have to do with Puckett, you ask? Well, Kirby was the undisputed Major League Baseball leader in "intangibles." His smile was worth dozens of runs by itself. His loving wife, another dozen. By the time you added up all the exterior garbage, there was a guy with Babe Ruth's value and Jeff Conine's production. He was so stuffed with praise that it put 50 pounds on his already barrel-like body.

Of course, this image of Kirby as the ubermensch stands in stark contrast to Kirby Puckett the actual person. Over the past year or so, details of Puckett's numerous flaws have been surfacing in articles throughout numerous national media outlets. Those allegations culminated in a Sports Illustrated cover story written by Frank Deford. It details Puckett's secret life in shocking detail, and it is filled with the tales of several people who knew him closely and tell similar tales of Puckett acting inappropriately.

Within weeks of proposing to his wife, Puckett called his mistress and told her that he was making a mistake by marrying "that bitch." While leading the Twins to World Championships in 1987 and 1991 with heroics that solicited his spot in the baseball Pantheon, Puckett was acting so immorally that he was even cheating on his mistress. While negotiating a contract that was encouraged by the loyalty of millions of Minnesotans, Kirby was tearing down doors in his house with a chainsaw so he could threaten his own wife.

He happened to get that fat contract that the fans wanted so badly for Kirby to enjoy. Soon after signing the dotted line, however, Kirby began suffering from glaucoma and lost vision in one eye, forcing him into retirement. It was at this point that Puckett began to do things that were unbelievably deplorable. He once urinated out of his car door in a mall parking lot. Kirby had a deep-seated desire to test the love of the Twins faithful, to see what the public would tolerate from its beloved baseball icon.

He also allegedly assaulted a woman in a bathroom and was brought to trial for it. While Kirby was recently acquitted on three charges (including fifth-degree criminal sexual conduct), the ruling speaks little for his actual guilt (This is America after all and Puckett is a celebrity). Thankfully, Puckett's wife, Tonya, had the smarts to file for divorce recently. The sad thing about it is all that she endured prior to that decision.

The point I am trying to make is not hard to see, is not shrouded in aphorisms, nor does it require any actual analysis. American society is one where heroes are created. It is a combination of desire for such heroes and eagerness of journalists to create the image of the hero for their own personal gain. Factored nowhere into this equation is the person's actual worthiness as a human being. This is not to say that some of these heroes are not legitimately good people, for I am sure some are.

When reading of the alleged goodness of someone you know little of (except what is put forth by the media), do not take it as pure gospel. Hell, maybe you should even take this column with a grain of salt (well, forget I said that). A little bit of healthy skepticism is just that, healthy. If someone tells you that this is not the case then quickly interject with the abhorrent behavior of Kirby Puckett. That ought to shut them up.



- Dan Passner (danpass@brandeis.edu) submits

a column to the Justice.