With a sneaky, yet playful grin, Tom Breen turned the picture frame facedown. As soon as Steven Feinberg '85 arrived at the table, though, Feinberg returned the frame, which displayed photographs of the now 29-year old-Breen at ages eight, ten and 15 to its upright position. The two originally met in 1981 as part of Brandeis' Brother/Big Sister Program (now called Big Siblings), a branch of the Waltham Group that pairs Brandeis students with children in the area. Breen was assigned to Feinberg as his little "brother." In the years since, the two have grown to consider each other true brothers; Feinberg's two children even refer to Breen as Uncle Tom. Breen and Feinberg certainly acted like brothers, conveying shared memories and mutual admiration, as well as joking, teasing, and interrupting each other's sentences. The picture frame went up and down throughout the evening, as each time Breen hid the photographs, Feinberg insisted that they be shown -- all in good fun.

Current Big Siblings witnessed this display of brotherly affection while enjoying Italian food at a group dinner on Tuesday, March 11 in the Shapiro Campus Center's romper room.

In addition to Breen and Feinberg, a third guest of honor, Victoria Sarro, was present. Sarro, who was a 'little sister' to Juliet Barr '81, now works as an administrative assistant at the Heller school while studying here for her bachelor's degree in either psychology or sociology. Barr in part inspired her current matriculation. "I remember coming here with Juliet and thinking, 'Wouldn't it be awesome if I went here?' And now I do!" Sarro said.

Out of the approximately 35 students involved in the program, only 10 were able to attend. Joining the students were Community Service Director Diane Hannan, Assistant Dean of Student Life Alwina Bennett, and Sarah McLaughlin, educational consultant to the Waltham Group.

The Big Siblings convene each semester to evaluate their experiences, but this is the first year that past participants have returned to share their stories. Student coordinators Corey Kritzman '03 and Brandy Sash '05 said they hope to continue the tradition. Kritzman added that next year, she will attend as an alumna, since she plans to keep in touch with Kristen, her 14 year old 'little sister,' long after graduation this May.

The Big Siblings program is modeled after, but not affiliated with, the Big Brother/Big Sister of America, a national organization. The Waltham Group was founded in 1966, and Big Siblings began in the early or mid 1970's, according to Hannan's estimate. "The Brandeis program is very unusual because it has so much freedom," she explained.

Interested students complete an application, interview with Kritzman and Sash, and are then paired with a local child, based on common interests and goals reflected in the child's written responses to certain questions. Kritzman acknowledged that it is hard to match people solely from their answers on paper, but said, "If you're ready for it, it can work." She stressed that the connection gradually becomes more and more natural.

Feinberg echoed, "(Our relationship) was never work for me. Over time, it evolved into something that was brother-brother, not big brother-little brother ... it is not contrived or fake."

Breen's mother originally sought a Big Brother because Breen's father had recently died. Feinberg said, "That really drove me to introduce Tom to my family and friends." He added, "Tom became a fixture in my life. I cannot imagine what it would be like without Tom."

Though most college students would wince at the thought of waking up on Saturday morning at 8 a.m., for four years, beginning when Feinberg was 18 and Breen was eight, Feinberg arrived at Breen's door each week at this early hour. The two spent time on campus, played ball in the park, went to Red Sox games and WWF matches and saw movies ("even R rated movies," as Breen added with excitement). Feinberg said, "It just became a lot of fun to do anything together. Tom became less and less anxious about if I would come back."

Feinberg stayed in the Boston area for graduate school, and therefore, he explained that it was very easy to stay in contact with Breen. Breen presently lives in Providence, working in advertising, and Feinberg works at Brandeis at the Lemberg Children's Center.

In an animated manner, the two related some anecdotes. Breen mentioned a toga party at Brandeis, and Feinberg jokingly assured their listeners that Breen drank from "a separate punch bowl." Alwina Bennett's presence and her well-known warning against punch elicited laughter from the group, and Bennett, as if on cue, was quick to interject, "I always tell the students that punch is evil."

On another occasion, Breen and Feinberg went canoeing along the Charles River, ending their adventure by traversing the waterfall under the Moody Street bridge. Fortunately, no one was hurt, but the canoe broke in half, and the occurrence "was on the front of the Boston Globe and all the papers," Breen said. "I still hear about this from Steve, about once a month." Feinberg added "these are the things that older and younger brothers do -- they get in trouble."

Though Sarro's "Big Sister," Juliet Barr, could not attend the dinner because she lives in New Jersey, Sarro read a letter from Barr, and a message to the assembled group. Sarro beamed as she passed around a photograph of the two of them in 2001, at Barr's 20th college reunion.

Barr's letter, addressed to all members of the Waltham Group, opens as follows: "If Vicki Sarro, my first and only little sister, is reading this letter to you, then you already know or at least have an inkling about what a righteous thing you are doing by volunteering your time."

Recalling the formative stages of their friendship, Barr said, "at first there must may have been some awkward moments (although I don't remember these at all!), but after a while we were buddies."

"I have to admit that at the time, I didn't think that the relationship would be a pivotal one in either of our lives. When you are 19 or 20, you tend to be more focused on the day to day than the big picture," she wrote. "Vicki has told me that I made a difference in her life. That is an incredible feeling, especially because at the time, I thought we were just going to the movies!"

Barr spoke to current volunteers, "I can't promise that your relationship will be as enduring as the one that Vicki and I share, but I can tell you that you are making a difference."

Sarro's own letter suggested the truth of this statement: "As a child, I was very shy and withdrawn with little opportunity to express my emotions. When my mom saw this, she looked into getting me a big sister. Then I met my angel Juliet." She also expressed: "The years went by and we grew older, but we never lost touch. I now feel I am the person I am today because of Juliet."

She fondly described a makeshift Christmas tree that the two had created for Barr's roommate merely from a few pine limbs. She said, "As you can imagine, the 'tree' wasn't very pretty, but to us it was the best. That day I realized you can build wonderful things out of basically nothing. All you need is a warm heart."

Towards the end of the evening, current Big Siblings spoke of their own little siblings, mentioning trips to the aquarium, the Museum of Science, the Museum of Fine Arts and even an outing to K-mart. Students also admitted to challenges, such as overcoming the initial awkwardness that Barr mentioned and finding the right balance of time in a busy schedule.

Overall, Feinberg and Barr's words, as well as those of current students, were extremely positive. Kritzman repeatedly said, "I love my little sister. I could talk for hours about her."

"Knowing that Vicki was counting on me taught me a new kind of responsibility," Barr wrote in the letter.

Feinberg recalled that when his parents dropped him off for his first semester at Brandeis, his father had outlined three things he should do during college: "study, make a best friend, and do something important, impact somebody's life." At first, the friendship with Breen satisfied the third category, but it rapidly spread to encompass the first two items on the list; Breen and Feinberg became close friends, and are essentially family.

Current students left the dinner with a new concept of their roles as Big Siblings. While a relationship of more than 20 years may not always result, volunteers now realize that it is not impossible either. There comes a point, when, as Feinberg said, "It is no longer a constructed relationship; it's a real relationship.