'Guide to Getting it On!'Paul Joannides

Goofy Foot Press

Grade: A



If you're looking for some new positions, have questions about oral sex or just like looking at weird drawings of genitals, this book is for you. Paul Joannides goes through the steps in straightforward, simple terms, throws in a few jokes and explanatory diagrams by Daerick Gross Sr. and answers those questions you always wanted to ask, like, "My girlfriend has killer boobs, but I don't have the hang of how to please them. Any suggestions?"

With 51 chapters with titles like "Up Your Bum - Anal Sex" and "Hand Jobs: Different Strokes for Different Blokes," this book covers everything about sex from A to Z in a playful, but helpful manner. And, it does not simply stick to the genitals, it covers kissing and romance as well.

The author explains terms like "perineum" and "mons pubis" in laymen's vocabulary. The book, currently in its third edition, seems specifically geared toward college students. When discussing blow jobs, Joannides writes, "Considering what happens if you suck on a penis for long enough, a woman who gives oral sex eventually has to decide if she wants to swallow ejaculate." Using simple logic, Joannides presents the problem many women face and then proceeds to explain the factors involved and encourage women to do whatever they feel comfortable. It is a running theme throughout the book -- comfort is what it's all about. Joannides encourages his readers to do whatever they find comfortable and enjoyable, emphasizing that his guidelines are simply that -- guidelines.

Like the Tenacious D song "Fuck Her Gently," Joannides also covers such details as how hard to thrust, under the heading, "Battering Ram or Pleasure Wand? Mosh Pit or Symphony?" No topic is too small, no body part is too insignificant -- this book is the mother of all sex guides.

Never condescending, Joannides explains what one may think of as the simplest, most obvious issues, like French kissing, which Joannides terms "the oral version of spelunking," explaining that it is called French kissing "because it is the only way the French could find to make each other stop talking." But he does not stop there, devoting pages more to the seemingly simple art of kissing.

The main lesson Joannides encourages is communication. He stresses the importance of communicating with one's lover to find out what he or she really enjoys, because many of the techniques he explores are enjoyed by some, but not others. He explains the techniques plainly and clearly, and Gross' drawings provide a visual aid for many of the methods. However, Joannides eases the tension and possible embarrassment by constantly inserting humorous and witty interjections.

So, if your love life has gone stale, or if you never really had one in the first place, "Guide to Getting It On!" is the perfect book for you. In fact, even if you consider yourself a champion in the sex department, I still recommend this book. Remember folks, with Chanukah and Christmas coming up, this bible of all things sex may be the perfect gift for your partner.