Just hours after she made a surprise appearance on Late Night with David Letterman to show off her newly trim figure, singer and mother extraordinaire Britney Spears lost another 200 pounds of dead weight when she filed for divorce from Kevin Federline. Classy as always, Spears chose to break the news to her husband and the father of her two children the old-fashioned way-with a heartfelt text message. Even with the recent tidal wave of celebrity divorces, it's safe to say nobody saw this one coming. If a world-famous pop singer and her backup dancer can't make their marriage last, is there really any hope for the rest of us? Britney was smart enough to have her now homeless ex-husband sign an airtight prenuptial agreement. While Spears and her team of Hollywood lawyers thought ahead to protect her fortune (once estimated to be close to $100 million), the singer forgot to keep an eye on her checking account while she was with Federline, who reportedly managed to cut the Spears empire down to between $35 to $50 million. Now, I know what you're thinking: How will Britney survive on such a modest budget? But the more important question is how K-Fed, or Fed-Ex, as the media has excitedly renamed him, managed to spent $50 million in just two years. How does someone whose entire wardrobe consists of trailer-ready white tank tops, sweatpants and Reeboks go through that kind of cash in such a short time? Even if he spent the last two years doing nothing but collecting new shoes and sipping an endless supply of Thunderbird wine, Federline couldn't have spent more than $2.5 million.

In her court filing, Spears declared that she and her husband shared no assets-except, of course, for the couple's two genetically doomed children. Federline has filed a petition for sole custody of the pair-though he is likely to put at least one of them up for sale on eBay to recoup some of his legal fees-but said he would be willing to share his extensive collection of Air-Jordans with Britney.

Fortunately for all of us, K-Fed's return to the single life will give the aspiring rapper more time to focus on his hip-hop career. Maybe now he'll be able to combine his "talents," work some of his old dance moves into his act and take over the world! Based on the throngs of fans who've been packing clubs across the country to see Federline on tour he shows no signs of slowing down. Throngs means dozens, right?