Let's face it: No one really likes Brooke Hogan (Terry "Hulk" Hogan's not-so-talented singing daughter). The only reason we've put up with her this long is because her father has made a living beating the crap out of everyone that gets in his way. He fought Rocky for God's sake. Rocky! So when Brooke Hogan decided she wanted to be the next dancing blonde pop star, we all bit our tongues. Nobody in their right mind tells Hulk Hogan's daughter that she's a talentless bimbo.

I'm starting to think I should have written this week's column under a false identity. If anyone sees Hulk Hogan wandering around campus looking angry and pumping his fist, could you please give me a heads up?

Anyway, I digress. Despite the inevitable pain that results from hearing Ms. Hogan forcing a melody, Hogan Knows Best remains one of the most entertaining shows on television. VH1's cameras follow the entire Hogan family, which also includes younger brother Nick, as they do, well, absolutely nothing.

Every episode inevitably leads the viewer to the same disturbing moment when they realize the 18-year-old blonde bombshell they've been drooling over for 26 minutes looks eerily similar to her heavyweight champion-o- the-world father. This realization is soon followed by tears and years of therapy.

Hogan recently spent a couple of hours inside New York's extravagant LF store with her father by her side and a Teen People camera crew covering every exciting moment. The "singer" eventually rang up $900 worth of overpriced merchandise. Just moments after leaving the store, a representative from Team Hogan came back into the store, minus the cameras, returning all but two of the items the young Hogan had purchased.

"We didn't actually think you were going to charge her!" Hogan's assistant reportedly said on her way out.

Anyway, I'm off to check into the witness protection program. God help me if Hulk Hogan has a subscription to the Justice.