The long-awaited viewing of baby Suri finally took place exclusively in the pages of Vanity Fair this week after five months of hiding the infant. After all the speculation of what Tom and Katie might be hiding by not revealing the child, we at last have a possible answer. As tabloids were quick to point out, the baby, it seems, is "Asian!"Either Katie's Scientology birth went horribly wrong and it took this long to find a replacement that looked vaguely like Mr. and the future Mrs.?Cruise, or Katie was not as faithful as Tom would have liked. I mean, they aren't married, and perhaps Tom was just too over-bearing and crazy-even for Katie.

The couple waited as long as they could, but now that they have revealed their baby, Tom may have used his last antic to entice the shrinking attention-spans of his fans. Since getting fired from his movie company and becoming increasingly psychotic, he doesn't have many options left to keep his waning audience intrigued.




Paris Hilton is continuing her reign as Queen of Crazy; maybe when Tom ditches Katie for cheating, he and Paris will rule supreme. Early Thursday morning she was pulled over by police in?Hollywood for drunk driving.

Although this is Ms. Hilton's first DUI, her attitude about the event is, as always, appalling. Her defense for driving in the first place was because she was really hungry and wanted a burger. Obviously a plausible reason.

After her arrest, Paris told Ryan Seacrest, "There was [sic] a lot of paparazzi around so I think they were trying to make a statement. Everything I do is blown out of proportion and it really hurts my feelings." Poor Paris, my heart bleeds for you.

The party girl craves attention and is already gaining more publicity from this latest event. For any other person, a DUI would generate negative press, but since Paris' image consists of stunts just like this, as you read this, Web sites dedicated to sympathizing with her are being set up and T-shirts proclaiming "Free Paris" are probably being printed.

But we all know those are absolutely necessary since just last month, she told The Los Angeles Times that she "doesn't like the taste of alcohol."

"It grosses me out," she said.