Turning 21 was freaking awesome. For those of you underage wannabes eagerly chalking your license and counting the days until the big day, let me tell you: it is freaking awesome. Being a senior, in general, is freaking awesome. My professors take me seriously, I partake in the stellar Boston nightlife and my Mod is decidedly the best housing Brandeis has to offer. If being a senior is so great on paper, why is being a senior girl so tough?
Take a look at the numbers. Brandeis has 3,185 undergraduate students. Of these students, 1,465 are men. Of these men, about 20% are seniors. That leaves 293 men in the senior class. According to facebook.com, nearly half of this number is in a relationship. That leaves around 146 single senior men. Of course, research suggests one in ten Americans is gay, so the number dwindles to 130. We're talking Brandeis guys here, so let's cut that figure in half for being too awkward to consider.

65 senior, single, straight, semi-attractive men. And I'd like to guess how many of these guys dated a close friend of mine. Sigh. No wonder senior girls are so jaded. No self-respecting fourth-year woman wants to date a younger guy. And why would one of these choosy 65 bother with a legal lady like me when they could prey on fresh meat?

You heard me, freshmen girls. You stroll into upperclassman parties wearing your brand new Uggs and too-small minis-please, deliver me from the pert cleavage and fresh-faced innocence of girls who haven't yet experienced a Brandeis winter!

These girls haven't yet had their papers graded by TAs they slept with, or woken up next to their best friend's recent ex-boyfriend after a particularly drunk Modfest. They haven't gotten dumped for a younger girl. They haven't moved into a suite with a guy friend only to sleep with him three weeks later and damage a friendship for a lifetime.

These freshman girls don't know the harsh ways of the world. Let's see how they handle themselves when their ex-boyfriend comes out of the closet with the aid of their best guy friend.

Don't laugh at me: I was cute and naive once. Yes, I dated a senior when I was a freshman and was the envy of all my friends. Life was sweet until I turned 19, he graduated and moved onto women who could relate to something other than keg stands. It'll hit you, girls, just you wait.

Maybe it's time for us single senior girls to start applying some age-defying under-eye lotion and get back in the game-the 65-player game, that is.

Or maybe it's time for us to roll our sleeves up and focus on our careers. After all, it's not worth getting emotionally involved when most of us seniors are planning on hauling ass out of Waltham come mid-May.
Maybe it's time to graduate.