Picture a good old-fashioned rugged New Englander. You all know the type, the bearded, flaneled guys you see sometimes in their weather-brutalized cars, the guys who look like they could handle anything this area's winters could throw at them. Got that image in your head? Now picture your typical Brandeis student.Let's face it people, this campus is hardly populated by alpha males. Every week I check the police log searching for gang fights or at least West Side Story-esque dance rumbles, but it's always the same freshmen found puking in a hall, noise complaints from Friday nights that go past 1, and nose bleeds too furious to cure with a tissue. And in the 4+ years, I've spent at Brandeis, it seems we got wussier and wussier every year. I'm not even talking about the kid who's coming to your History class wrapped up in a parka and polar expedition gear when it dips below 50. This week's pansiness comes in the shape of the anti-smoking faction. Given that there's no credible study that shows that second hand smoke significantly raises the risk of lung cancer (despite what your P.E. teacher told you), I had a hard enough time accepting that smokers had to do their dirty deed outside. Fine, I can sympathize with asthmatics who don't want to be in a room with more smoke than air. But the moral fascists didn't stop there. Then, smokers had to stand far away from doorways just in case someone didn't like the smell. I'd like to see similar rules for people who use patchouli, eat ethnic food, or live in the Castle. We should just have underground tunnels leading to all classes for all the nice-smelling people and make everyone else sit outside and watch the class from a safe distance.

Come on, ya pansies. Between bottled water and heated car seats, we've become so sissified that we can hardly stand up to a strong wind. I don't really care if you don't like the smell of cigarettes. There's a lot of stuff I don't like, and I just get over it. I've had to listen to you anti-smoking people whine for years, and I've never made you stand outside. Maybe I should start.