It's cold.Strike that, it's actually morbidly freezing outside... and it's only January. With temperatures dropping well below Eskimo breeding climate, students and faculty alike have been bundling up to avoid mother nature's chilly wrath. Well, cheer up because I've got some great tips to help get you out of the wintertime blues.

First off: socks. Now, if you know me, you know I am anti-sock. I think socks are the worst form of social pressure, which deprives mankind of allowing his foot to meet with the earth. However, sometimes one has to sacrifice their existential dignity for the sake of warm tootsies. When in doubt, always better to double bag your feet in heavy snowfall. Nothing says uncomfortable quite like a damp heel.

Quit smoking. Or, at the very least, devise a keen fan ventilation system in your room that allows you to smoke without all of your material possessions smelling like an ashtray. Once that problem is solved, you'll be lighting up faster than it takes to say, "towel the door." If that doesn't work, quit smoking.

Stop shaving. The extra hair adds a protective layer. If you're not a fan of fur, shave too much. The razor burn should warm you up.
Listen up girls. There is absolutely no point in even attempting to look pretty for the next two months. When you put on that huge black beast of a down coat, it's all over. It's impossible not to take on the beached walrus look, no matter how much sparkly eyeliner you put on to make up for it. 'Tisn't the season for tank tops nor open-toed shoes. No one will judge you if you wear a shirt with actual sleeves. Just remind yourself that it's more attractive than frost bite.

If long underwear makes you squeamish, try wearing a wet suit under your clothes.

Order in delivery like it's your job. Get to know the Cappy's delivery guy on a first name basis so your food comes faster. It helps to slip him a fiver on top of the usual tip, you know, for next time. Breakfast in bed is essential, and let's not forget the commonly overlooked power of your building's vending machine.

Run everywhere. Sure, the wind might burn your nose, but think of all the time you'll save between classes. You can even use all these added minutes to buy a coffee and douse yourself with it between classes.
I don't know about your New Year's resolution, but mine was to gain weight. The more I bulk up, the more natural insulation I'll have against the cold. As a tip, whole sticks of butter taste better when dipped in melted chocolate.

Get naked and rub yourself with itching powder. It seems like it would burn. If you can't find anything itchy, spend your day soaking in a hot bath. But disinfect it first. I bet that would burn, too.
Take advantage of your dorm's free heat. Let me repeat myself: Free. Heat.

It is beyond me why people insist on keeping their room's chilly and
their heat on a mere two. Hell, I broke my heater just so I could get beyond the usual seven and scorch my room to a break-a-sweat eight. That's right, I live in the only room in East Quad that has a radiator capable of reaching a sweltering eight, and don't think for a moment it's ever an inch lower.

If your heat isn't working too well, shack up in the laundry room. Make your own heating pad by spreading a blanket on a drier. Bring a pillow or two and do your reading in warm, Tide-scented comfort. For added comfort, pin a drier sheet or two to your shirt.

Fires are warm. Everyone would understand if you became a pyromaniac. Hell, people would even pitch in and help you buy the butane.

When the cold gets completely unbearable and you've exhausted all of your thawing techniques, find someone to snuggle with under a bunch of blankets. After all, desperate times call for desperate measures. Just don't forget to wear a sock.