The last guy I dated wasn't well endowed, if you know what I mean. I'm not a picky girl, but I prefer something bigger. It was just too small, I realized, before we went our separate ways. I need a guy with a sizable CD collection.Really, gentlemen, a girl needs to know what she's getting into sometimes.

All right, all right. I'm guilty of prejudice ... and hypocrisy. And, I am guilty of owning a copy of Chumbawumba's last album. Oh, sure, it comes off innocently enough.

I peek at a guy's CD collection, and maybe even rifle through his mp3 library. Usually he won't give my curiosity a second thought. He has no idea that I can size someone up based on the individual's music collection alone. That is, until the questions start: What happened to your second disc of Junta? I see you're into jazz. What do you think of Giant Steps? Who are you trying to impress with your collection of boy band b-sides?

My cover blown, he understands that I'm not simply looking for his copy of "Dark Size of the Moon." Oh, if only music was just that simple. What I'm really looking for is personality.

For years, I've used the "you-are-what-you-eat" technique, judging people by the genre of music they try to blast from their tinny laptop speakers. Recently, I've found this basis of judgment accurate, but not precise enough for my liking. The kind of music a man listens to only shows where his interests lie. I need a bit more oomph to be completely satisfied in my allegations. I've found that you can read between the lines of the type of music by noting his collection, his radio presets and his borderline obsession with Boogle. It's easy to get an understanding of a person from the depth of his music collection.

More accurate than a first impression, and less time consuming than a real conversation, a person's music collection is an easy way to size him up.

While we all wish we could enlarge our own CD collection, here are a few telltale signs of musical and mental disparity.

First off, may I please beg of anyone with a monstrous collection of "Greatest Hits" albums to seek musical guidance? You can't go through life listening only to the best bands have to offer. A true music fan will stand by a band through its weaker tracks, appreciating all sides of the group. I know Phish's latest treasure, "Round Room," was sub-par, and you know it was sub-par, but they are Phish and this is Brandeis, so of course we'll stick by them.

If you happen to come across one of those pathetic individuals who has built his repertoire on mix CDs alone, don't hesitate to dismiss anything he has to say as complete intellectual trash. These are the type of people that line their shelves with unread books; the type who tell you exactly what you want to hear. I don't mind mix CDs (they make decent presents), but one should never go overboard. A CD case filled with seven different versions of "PARTEE MIZIX" just reeks of poor taste.

An entire music collection of artists who have made their debut to the world in the past five years is just an embarrassment. Anyone who can't think farther back than MTV2's launch deserves to be dragged into the streets and publicly ridiculed.

The best-all-around personality might just belong to the kid with the entire Jimi Hendrix Experience box set, enough jazz to make you weak in the knees, the soundtracks to "Fight Club," "Royal Tenenbaums" and "The Graduate," an obviously accomplished taste for The Beatles, just enough Chopin and a guilty pleasure or two to pacify any ego he might have due to his musical superiority.

Next time you're making small talk with the seemingly savvy kid next to you in class, don't be afraid to skip over the getting-to-know-you section and judge him on his musical taste and collection. Sure, he might wonder why you're rummaging through his vinyl, but you can rest assured, knowing you've got this guy more figured out than you could have figured out Bob Dylan's lyrics.

Just be careful. You never know when the turntables turn and someone has lost faith in you after one mention of Chumbawumba. It was a gift, I swear it.