Andy Dick

'Andy Dick and the Bitches of the Century'



Milan Records



Grade: F



I couldn't find enough words to describe quite how bad the sampler of Andy Dick and the Bitches of the Century's new CD is, but here are a few: Filth, garbage, junk, pollution, litter, contamination, sophomoric, immature, infantile, crude, primitive, babyish, self-indulgent, unimportant, unfunny, boring, uninteresting, tedious, dull, mind-numbing, tiresome, trite, stale, corny, clichd, unimaginative, banal, unoriginal, pass, done-to-death, washed-up, insipid, bland, uninspired, prosaic, predictable, ordinary, imitative, out-of-touch, mundane, commonplace, humdrum, pale, drab, soulless, awful, terrible, horrible, dreadful, appalling, ghastly, horrific, atrocious, horrendous, redundant . bad.

It doesn't seem like he was even trying to be good. A song about a stalker, cleverly named "The Stalker Song," said nothing a junior-high bathroom wall couldn't scrape together. It was followed by "I'll F*ck," a song decrying at near-punk speed that he will f*ck anything that moves. Where have we heard this before? Oh yes, everywhere, from Eminem to a certain San Francisco magazine for bisexuals. At least they were brief with their declarations. But oh no, not Andy.

He'll go on for minutes, convinced of a delusion that anyone else cares what he has to say. And, then there's the last track, "Little Brown Ring," about, guess what, an asshole. This one goes for almost five minutes. Oh the horror! The only saving grace is that the music isn't a half-bad emulation of rock, punk and techno. I've heard worse come from those considered both serious and artists. But in the end, if the rest of the album by Dick and the Bitches of the Century, is anything like these first three songs, it's not worth a roll of toilet paper. He makes Andrew Dice Clay look like genius. When I first sat down to write this, all I could think of was the classic Spinal Tap moment when they recalled the review of their album, "Shark sandwich." Two words, S*it Sandwich. I second that emotion.