Right now is a good time. Right now, things are going right.Right now, we're laying under the covers, wrapped around each other, breathing and smiling and smoking quietly. Right now, we don't need to talk. Right now, we're too happy to talk.

Right now, I am happy.

Yesterday I was confused. I walked around the park 15 blocks away from the tiny apartment we share and watched all the children playing on old, rusted monkey bars. I watched them spin on barely standing carousels. I watched them chase each other around the field and up trees. Two girls were chasing one boy, pigtails sticking up off their heads from every direction, as he squealed and ran to a tree and began to climb desperately. The girls, wearing matching pink dresses, got as far as the tree trunk and tried to reach for his baggy little-boy jeans to pull him back down, but he got on top of a branch and they couldn't grab him. They kept yelling at him, smiles spread across their faces, dark cheeks pinked with the beginning of something unnamed.

Two trees over were two guys I recognized from down the street, shirtless and leaning against the smooth bark and smoking. They watched the children carefully and I stood in the middle of the field and watched them. Their eyes darted to and fro, and occasionally they would nod at someone and talk softly to each other. They didn't smile and the soft smile that had been on my face moments before slowly faded away before I knew what was happening. Another guy, not more than 15, walked up to them, T-shirt hanging out of his back pocket, his skin shiny with sweat and his face dark with something I recognized too well.

The two boys pushed off the tree and greeted the kid, shaking his hand in the intricate fashion that has always escaped me. I watched as one of them produced a small ziplock bag, and the kid produced a wad of cash. I watched the exchange as my stomach grew tight as something hardened in its pit. The children screamed at the tree, begging the little boy to come down. The sunshine hit their faces as they smiled and laughed. The guy was yelling at the two others. One of them flashed something silver, and the guy suddenly stopped yelling. The girls laughed louder. I turned away, trying not to get sick.

Yesterday, I walked away from the park as quickly as I could. Yesterday, I threw up in a bush.

Yesterday, I got home and cried. Yesterday, I plugged my ears with my fingertips to block out the sound of sirens.

Right now, it's quiet. Right now, the air is peaceful. Right now, kids aren't flashing pieces, or dealing in the safest park they can manage to take their siblings to. Right now, lips are caressing my neck and teeth are nipping at my earlobe. Right now, those two little girls are asleep in their beds.

Tomorrow, there will be sirens and photographers and arguments and gambling and screaming and fear. Tomorrow, everything will fall apart.

But right now I am happy.