These letters have all been sent in by actual Brandeis students. Their names have been changed to protect their anonymity. The advice given out in this column is solely the opinion of Rachel Nazarian '03, the Justice's advice guru. Please use this advice at your own risk -- the Justice is not to be held liable for any positive or negative consequences of your decisions. If you are interested in obtaining advice from Rachel, to be printed in a future issue, e-mail her your problem at nazarian@brandeis.edu.Dear Rachel,
I just had the longest week of my life. The amount of things that have gone wrong are too many to count. I don't expect you to help me with all those problems, but something else. The problem is that I have friends to help me with things in my life, and I don't think they even noticed that I have been upset lately. Aren't friends supposed to be there for each other? In fact, it makes me more upset that the people closest to me don't even see when I'm not doing O.K. What do I do now? I'm sure the stuff in my life will get better, but how can I still depend on my friends to be there when I need them in the future?
-- Frustrated with Friends

Dear Frustrated,
There are times when life gets enormously busy. You must be aware of those crazy episodes when every paper is due, every quiz is scheduled, your room is a mess and you're down to those last few items of clean clothing. Being in college requires that we be responsible for ourselves in all aspects of life. True, we have our friends to help us, should we need it. Sometimes our friends are so occupied organizing their own lives that the surrounding chaos prevents them from seeing the situations of others, should it be good or bad. However, it is much easier to recognize when someone is elated- jumping and smiling -- as opposed to the slumping figure experiencing a bad day. Do not consider this inherent negligence as a reflection of bad friendship. Your friends are not mind-readers, nor should they be expected to notice every alteration in your mood.
Yet, I understand that you want them to be attentive to events in your life. If you are finding that your friends are preoccupied with their own lives, do not assume that they don't care about you. Instead, approach and inform them as to how you are feeling. Further, how can you be sure that your friends are not experiencing difficulties simultaneous to your own? It is quite possible your friends are also wondering why you haven't inquired about their situation. Perhaps they are questioning your investment into the friendship. Remind yourself that your friends (should they be your true friends) would care about your problems if they were aware of your problems. There is nothing wrong with cluing them in. I'm sure you would want them to do the same with you.
-- Rachel

Dear Rachel,
I went into the C-Store last week with a friend. She's a very cool girl, and, in my opinion, has had a very privileged upbringing. But, I noticed that she talks down to the people who work there. In fact, I've been noticing that she starts to act a little bossy and snotty with a lot of the workers. I was actually pretty embarrassed to be with her because I could tell that the employees found her to be rude. I think it's the tone of her voice, and the fact that she never says "please" or "thank you," which I know is not usually a big deal. Still, it's bothering me. How can I get her to be nicer with them and treat them like equals?
-- Confronting the Uncouth

Dear Confronting,
I'm sure you're familiar with the saying "everyone has to make a living." Those hardworking people behind the cash registers and those people dishing out your lunch and dinner, all deserve the same amount of respect you would give a friend. True, they are there to serve you, but that does not make them your servants. Set an example for your friend. Say 'hello' to the employees next time you walk into the C-store. I don't intend to sound like your mother when I remind you to say "please" and "thank you." We should all have the etiquette and manners of adults. There is no excuse for discourtesy and disrespect; it only makes their job more difficult. Also, make sure your friend is aware of the tone she takes when around hired help. Be straightforward, but rather than telling her to be less rude, ask her to be more polite. "You know, they work very hard all day; next time, we should make their job easier. Give them a break." Make conversation with those people you see everyday in Usdan. All those people we see as we whiz by to class. When she learns about their life specificities, she'll see them more as interesting, hard-working people, and less like hired help. Consequently, she'll learn to treat them as such.
-- Rachel

Dear Rachel,
Can you let everyone know that it is rude to leave trash all over their tables when they're done eating? I'm so disgusted every time I walk into Usdan in the afternoon. What's the big deal with taking your trash and throwing it away?
-- Tired of Trash

Dear Tired,
Good point. I wholeheartedly agree. Once again, let's be responsible for ourselves. It doesn't take much time or effort to discard one's trash before leaving. The difference is immense, not just for the people taking our seats after we leave, but also for the custodians who have a difficult job already. When you're finished with your meal, drop your trash off as you leave. We're big boys and girls; our mommies are not here to clean up after us.
-- Rachel

Dear Rachel,
My boyfriend and I have decided to celebrate our anniversary. We haven't been together long: What can I get him that's appropriate? Aside from that, how can I make sure that he knows how I feel about him? I want him to know how much I really love him ... all in a gift. You're the advice guru. Let's hear what you have to say.
-- Searching for Something

Dear Searching,
Thank you for applying such pressure to my position. Here's what I advise: something small, inexpensive and personal. Specifically? Maybe burn a CD of meaningful songs. I received such a present late last year, and not only was it flattering to witness such thoughtfulness, but it's something I felt comfortable receiving. There is no need to be frivolous in your spending. Make a basket of his favorite candy, magazines, etc. Add in a framed picture of the two of you. As for expressing your feelings, here's an applicable quote: "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye." He'll know how you feel by the way you show him, not by what you give him.
-- Rachel

Humorous Letter of the Week:
Dear Rachel,
What's the best and most fair punishment for a boyfriend who cheated?
-- Fighting Infidelity

Dear Fighting,
Dump him.
-- Rachel