These letters have all been sent in by actual Brandeis students. Their names have been changed to protect their anonymity. The advice given out in this column is solely the opinion of Rachel Nazarian '03, the Justice's advice guru. Please use this advice at your own risk -- the Justice is not to be held liable for any positive or negative consequences of your decisions. If you are interested in obtaining advice from Rachel, to be printed in a future issue, e-mail her your problem at nazarian@brandeis.edu.

Dear Rachel:

Aren't there certain rules about individuality? When I go shopping with my friends, I notice that most of what they buy closely resembles clothes that I have. Sometimes, it's even the exact same thing. After being in college for over two years, I thought that people were supposed to grow into their own. What's going on, and how do you make it stop?

-- "Wanting own Wardrobe"



Dear "Wanting:"

I've heard many times that imitation is the highest form of flattery. In my opinion, it's also one of the most aggravating forms, especially in college where we'd hate to be carbon copies of each other. You are among friends, however, and often, as friends, we are drawn to people who resemble us; they may think in a similar manner and even have similar taste.

It's quite plausible that you and your friends closely share the same taste in clothing and fashion. What looks appealing to you may look equally as appealing to her, and consequently there's no surprise you're both shopping off the same racks. Presently, there isn't much that can be done, aside from casually mentioning that you already own the item she is about to buy.

Suggest lending it to her. This will eliminate chances that you will both wear the same thing on the same day. Other than that, just remember: You wear the clothes; they don't wear you. And, accordingly, it's your individual personality and attitude that will make (or break) your appearance and help you stand out from the rest.

-- Rachel



Dear Rachel:

I really want to spend more time with a girl I like. I told her, and she acted like she thought it was a good idea. But, the next time I called, she got annoyed at me, and acted completely different. Now, she doesn't really talk to me at all. Please explain to me what I did wrong, or what happened to her.

-- "Confused about Conversation"



Dear "Confused:"

It's hard to accurately decipher someone's true intentions. It is my opinion, however, that she was trying to spare your feelings when you approached her, and does not hold any true interest. A girl, when interested, will not play games like those you describe. If she truly wished to be involved with you, she would return your attention and affection openly.

You did nothing wrong. On the contrary, your boldness is admirable, and you should be commended for your upfront approach. As for the girl, it sounds like she is not comfortable with progressing in her relationship with you. I'm sure you have a lot of emotional investment in her, but get out while you're still ahead. Obviously, this is easier said than done, but spending your efforts and time on friends who appreciate your company more will help you move on.

-- Rachel



Dear Rachel:

I love my parents very much, and I'd hate to ever deceive them. But, they also ask a lot of questions about what I do in college, and they make me feel really guilty when I tell them I'm going to a party.

Basically, it upsets them to hear if I'm doing anything other than studying. I know I'm here to learn, but it's also unfair to expect me to just sit in the library all day. I don't want to lie to my parents when they ask, but it's an annoyance to deal with their reactions when I tell them the truth. What's the best way to be a good daughter and still have fun?

-- "Daughter in Distress"



Dear "Daughter:"

Everyone has to play dual roles at times in their life. I'm sure you remember instances in high school when you had to be a good friend, student, daughter -- maybe even a good teammate.

When we're lucky, these roles overlap. Yet, later in life, we find that sometimes the roles begin to challenge each other. Then, we must weigh the options. You are essentially asking, "Should I make myself happy or make my parents happy?"

Here's where my advice might deceptively make me sound like a bad daughter. In college, your parents rarely know exactly what you're doing -- a potentially dangerous situation, to be blunt. But, it can help out in a situation like this one.

Determine the underlying reason they don't want you attending parties. For your case, I'll presume they want you to keep up with your schoolwork. Since, essentially, your job in being a good daughter is to keep your parents happy by abiding by their underlying wishes, as long as you fundamentally achieve this, you can also still do what you want also. In essence, you should feel no guilt if you finish your work, and then go out.

No, there's no need to tell your parents everything you do; from their perspective it is difficult to understand the benefits of pausing from your work and relaxing. You can make your own decisions and plan your own life. Do not feel you are being a bad daughter by keeping information from them. They'll be happier not knowing rather than knowing and misunderstanding. Remember your first priority by completing your work, and regardless of whether you attend parties, your parents will have no reason for disappointment.

-- Rachel



Humorous Letter of the Week:



Dear Rachel:

Do people actually send in letters for your column? Or, are they just made up?

-- "Doubting the Diosa"



Dear "Doubting:"

Here's a clue.

-- Rachel