These letters have all been sent in by actual Brandeis students. Their names have been changed to protect their anonymity. The advice given out in this column is solely the opinion of Rachel Nazarian '03, the Justice's advice guru. Please use this advice at your own risk - the Justice is not to be held liable for any positive or negative consequences of your decisions. If you are interested in obtaining advice from Rachel, to be printed in a future issue, e-mail her your problem at nazarian@brandeis.edu.

Dear Rachel:

Every time I go to the gym I see a girl who obviously has an eating disorder. I'm not sure what to do, but it makes me really uncomfortable to watch her. I want to talk to her but I don't know what to say. "Start eating" doesn't really work well. I've seen her around campus but I've never spoken to her before and it might be kind of weird to start talking to her about this subject. Either way, I'm a little worried about her and don't know how to help.

- Watching her Weight



Dear Watching:

I must commend you for your compassionate attitude. Many times we see people sending signals for aid and we fail to take action. A woman far wiser than I, Emily Dickinson, wrote: "If I can ease one life the aching . I shall not live in vain." Truly, watching someone slowly crumble is frightening, and you must feel the need to personally intervene.

With a case such as this, however, I do not recommend approaching her. As unintentional as it may be, you could very well worsen the situation. Instead, investigate into her name and area of residence on campus; notify her resident advisor of your concerns. Also, Brandeis has a Counseling Center (x63730) that may be able to offer support and intervention. As any case of self-destruction, this is saddening and distressing. Nonetheless, this girl is lucky in having a stranger who's receptive enough to possibly save her life.

- Rachel



Dear Rachel:

I really think that one of my friends is gay. Everything about him screams "homosexual" but he still acts like he's after girls. Every chance he gets he's talking about how he wants to get with a girl and hook up. It's obvious that he's overcompensating for his real feelings, and it's about time he came out of the closet. And really, I'm tired of pretending that he's straight - it's been like this for a few years! What can I tell him to convince him that the act needs to stop? College is almost over and he's still lying to himself!

- Questioning my friend



Dear Questioning:

First, I will say that his decision of sexual orientation does not truly concern you; it is his decision, and his decision alone. It involves levels of self-acceptance that only he can battle. However, for the sake of discussion, let's assume he is gay. Being a heterosexual woman, I cannot truly relate the tails of a homosexual man, and for this insight I turned to a close gay friend: As a friend, you must never pressure him to reveal aspects of himself he is still unsure of; do not ask if he is gay. Rather, offer unconditional support, reminding him that you are devoted to the friendship, regardless of anything he may be going through. Let him know he can talk to you about anything. Be straightforward and say, "I care about you. I'll be your friend under any circumstance."

Above all, people just want to be accepted and embraced for who they are. This may be a confusing time in his life, and he might be accustomed to behaving as if he were straight. Be patient, and actively supportive. Only when he feels sufficiently secure and intrepid will he confront the truth, whatever that may be. Be there for his journey, and you'll be the friend who shares the destination.

- Rachel



Dear Rachel:

Is it wrong of me not to want my boyfriend to auction himself off in a bachelor auction? I shouldn't have to pay money to spend time with my own boyfriend. And, I don't want another girl to buy him- but I can't stop someone if they do. It just looks like I have no choice and he's making me feel like I'm out of line. I don't think I am, but I can't help not wanting him to be a part of the whole thing.

- Against the Auction



Dear Against:

No one really wants to put the object of his or her affection up for grabs. There is, however, a limit to how much you can restrict your boyfriends' actions. I have found that in situations such as this, a compromise should be made in advance. If he insists on auctioning himself, and you feel wary, let him go, but discuss events you are comfortable allowing with a potential stranger: Dinner? a Movie? Conversely, consider bidding on him: Keep in mind this is all for a worthy cause, and you get a guaranteed night alone with him.

If you can't afford to bid on him, or simply don't want to, just be forewarned of his plans with the winner; here you must have trust in your relationship. If you disapprove of his parameters, or his intentions, the problem is a little more serious. Never let someone disrespect you in their disregard for your feelings. If you feel you are opposed to the auction because of his objective, and he dismisses your concerns while refusing to compromise, you are in the wrong relationship. Remember the title of "Bachelor" preceding the auction; if he's not a bachelor, he should restrict his behavior somewhat. Your discomfort should be reason enough for him not to enlist. If it's not, pick up an auction program and bid your way to someone new.

- Rachel



Humorous letter of the week:

Dear Rachel:

My friend and I have a bet: Do you prefer blondes or dark haired guys? I'm backing blondes. Thanks.

- Probing for Preference



Dear Probing:

I'm not sure if this qualifies as a request for my insight, but I'll respond nonetheless. Nothing against those with lighter hair, but I'll admit to being more enticed by the darker hues. Of course, beyond color, washed hair wins all. I hope you didn't have too much riding on this bet.

- Rachel