Picture this: You are walking up the hill from the Shapiro Campus Center to Usdan. You see a casual acquaintance -- one of those random people who took a class with you last semester, or lived on your hall freshman year. Your eyes meet. The two of you have obviously recognized each other. What do you do next? Do you say hello? Do you nod to acknowledge their presence? Do you look at your watch? Do you look away? Do you think, "Last year, I would have said 'hi' to them, but maybe there is a statute of limitations on greeting casual acquaintances?"Maybe those questions never cross your mind, because you are secure enough to not care about what people think of you. Or, perhaps I am much more socially awkward than other Brandeis students, and therefore constantly and unnecessarily fret about whether or not to greet someone on campus. But, it is possible that I am simply an average human being, who does not want to seem either overly friendly or unnecessarily cold to people I have met before.

I've discussed this issue at length with my friends (who are the people I greet every time I see them!), and I think we've reached a consensus that most people are paranoid about greetings. Most people want to be liked and appreciated by others. But, when I see a person I know on campus, a Catch-22 situation results. I know that if I say hello to her, there is a chance that she will not greet me in return. So, then I may decide it is not worth the social risk (to be slighted by her in front of others) and not greet her at all. The problem is, she is probably thinking the exact same thing. So, neither of us greets each other out of fear of being embarrassed for being "too friendly," if such a thing is actually possible. But, somehow, both of us feel slighted at not having been recognized.

This is actually a rather simple example. Ignoring someone completely is only one of the varied options at your disposal. Judgment calls can be difficult to make in greeting situations. Four more choices include:

1. The casual greeting. Instead of the formal hello, you say "hi" or "hey," so that your greeting seems so off-hand and cool that the other person could never think you are trying too hard to be friendly.

2. The half-smile. The lips upturn slightly, but there is little cheek movement, and dimples are definitely not exposed. You use this method when you want it to appear as if you greeted the other person (in case they actually say hello to you), but it also allows you to escape the shame of not being greeted back, since it is a somewhat ambiguous motion. Note: The head nod can be placed under this category as well, since it carries the same shaky connotations.

3. The busy look. You decide not to greet the other person, but instead walk at a hurried pace, making no eye contact whatsoever. Bonus points for glancing at your watch.

4. The stare. Only try this if you are in a daring mood. When you stare at the other person long enough, usually they will feel compelled to say hello to you, or to at least acknowledge your existence. On the other hand, he or she may guess that you like them as more than a friend, or that you are simply a creepy person who cannot control your own gaze.

You would think that after 21 years of life, I would be a master at the "simple" notion of greeting other individuals. But, sadly, that is not the case. I still have trouble deciding whether or not to say hello to someone, unless they are one of my closest friends.

Clearly, I am either incredibly insecure, a poor judge of character, or both. And, I've only written about saying "hi" to people I have actually met . knowing where I should look when I see a stranger gazing right at me could easily provide fodder for another whole column.

I'm also writing this to apologize to all of the people I've slighted over these last few years at Brandeis. I'm not a mean person; I'm really not. I'm probably also not as stressed out as I always seem to look on campus -- this is sometimes just an act to avoid the stress of the age-old question, "to greet or not to greet." So, if you happen to run into me, please don't judge me. Maybe you can make things easier by saying hello first, as that takes the pressure off me, and will surely produce a friendly reply. After all, this is a friendly campus. Greetings shouldn't be so difficult.

-- Jamie Freed '03 submits a column to the Justice.