These letters have all been sent in by actual Brandeis students. Their names have been changed to protect their anonymity. The advice given out in this column is solely the opinion of Rachel Nazarian '03, the Justice's advice guru. Please use this advice at your own risk -- the Justice is not to be held liable for any positive or negative consequences of your decisions. If you are interested in obtaining advice from Rachel, to be printed in a future issue, e-mail her your problem at nazarian@brandeis.edu.Dear Rachel:

I was seeing this boy for a while, but we decided to split up. I was very upset, and with Brandeis being such a small school, I run into him everywhere. It's awkward and I hate the way we interact. Is it wrong if I just ignore him? I find it's a lot easier than pretending I'm okay with our situation, but my friends think I'm being rude. I'm just still so incredibly upset, and don't feel like he cares. I don't want people to think I'm being difficult or punishing him.

-- "Coping with Coexistence"

Dear "Coping":

You write of one of life's most painful experiences. Nothing strikes the heart deeper than having your affections unreturned. I truly empathize with you, and can only offer what advice I am presently taking myself. You have implied the break-up was mutual; yet I speculate it was not, based on experience. I am aware of your desire to heal and move on, and I sincerely understand how the aching becomes exhausting. But, to recover with minimal scaring you must allow yourself to heal properly. If you find it too overwhelming to be around him, and cannot keep yourself composed, do not hesitate to remove yourself from that setting.

How can a wound heal with consistent infliction? Rather than putting yourself in a position you are not prepared to handle, step back and catch your breath. I do not know the details of your relationship, and therefore cannot offer advice to calm specific emotions you swim in. But, if I may again relate, I suggest you disregard the comments of those around. Take notice though, I am not advocating for you to ignore this boy. Rather, an ideal situation would be to distance yourself. However, should you cross him, as you most certainly will on this tiny campus, do not trivialize the relationship by ignoring him.

Overlooking his existence will not cure your heartache, and you will be waiting to see how he reacts to your behavior; I can assure you that no reaction he may have will be to your satisfaction. Acknowledge him, smile, even say hello if you are able. With time, I promise miracles. Nothing heals ones grief as completely as days, weeks, and months. For your situation, for my own, I extend the mantra of my family. Take it to heart, and refer to it often: This too will pass.

-- Rachel

Dear Rachel:

I don't know what the problem is, but I can never seem to get my work done on time. Even more upsetting, I noticed the other day I was way behind on all my reading. How can I fix this problem of letting all my work go undone?

-- "Failing to Focus"

Dear "Failing":

It sounds like you are distracted by life. College is an exhibition of many diversions, and without commitment to your work, you will most certainly fall behind.

Thankfully, with a little structure your problem may be solved. The secret to success in this situation is routine. Pick a specific time of day or night when you are alone to do work. This is usually more successful if you are out of your room or dorm setting. Lose yourself in the library, in the lounge of Usdan or the Shapiro Campus Center, or perhaps even the lobby of a building. Organize your work: Make a list of that which must be done, i.e. papers, reading assignments, etc. If you are far behind, you will need to dedicate at least a few hours each day until you catch up. Attempt to meet with your professors during office hours, and schedule times to meet with the course's teaching assistant. This will ensure accurate answers to questions you may have about your class.

Furthermore, the problem may be more arcane than originally thought. Is it possible you have no interest in the classes to which you are enrolled? Perhaps it's not the concept of work you're battling, but rather the specific subject matter of the work. If this seems to be the case, choose classes more carefully next semester. When one finds an area of interest, reading or writing on such a subject becomes less of a chore, and more of a pleasure; nothing is more arduous than the uninteresting. Keep in mind, however, that Brandeis is a very difficult university academically. Expect to work hard to obtain remarkable results. When it comes to work, keep your focus and you'll keep your balance.

- Rachel

Dear Rachel:

I really like this boy, and I know that he likes me too. But, there's a problem: He has a girlfriend. I feel like I'm putting in so much effort for nothing! Do I even bother with this (jerk) or just forget it?

-- "Wrestling with Waiting"


Dear "Wrestling":

I'm struck by your willingness to tolerate such a dilemma. I have no doubt that you are deserving of a wonderful and caring mate; however, this is obviously not your man. Relationships, especially good ones, should not require such exhausting effort. This boy appears to be seriously confused. I strongly suggest you allow him the time to determine what he truly wants. But, do not wait in the sidelines. Life is too short to waste time on hollow promises and fickle people. Acknowledge the position of degradation you've been put into; demand the respect you deserve and walk away. Should he be the ideal boy for you, he will return unattached.

-- Rachel

HUMOROUS LETTER OF THE WEEK

Dear Rachel:

I don't know who else to go to. I feel like I'm trapped. It all started when my friends wanted to go out for a non-Brandeis dinner. Everything was fine - the atmosphere was nice, the company 'Grade A', and the menu looked outstanding. The four of us were having a great conversation ... then it happened. The waitress came over and asked for our drink orders. She came to me and I was unsure - Then I finally did it: I came right out and said "I'd like a Coke please". and that's when I heard something that completely changed my night ... the waitress looked at me with a stare of sympathy and said "I'm sorry sir, we only have Pepsi products here."

Please help me get over my Coke habit.

-- "Disappointed Drinker"

Dear Disappointed:

We all have those items in our life that we are strangely fixated upon. Some habits of dependence may be more unhealthy than others. The key is moderation. However, I feel that your situation is not as dire as you may think. Pepsi can't be all that bad: it's Britney's beverage of choice, after all.

-- Rachel