These letters have all been sent in by actual Brandeis students. Their names have been changed to protect their anonymity. The advice given out in this column is solely the opinion of Rachel Nazarian '03, the Justice's advice guru. Please use this advice at your own risk -- the Justice is not to be held liable for any positive or negative consequences of your decisions. If you are interested in obtaining advice from Rachel, to be printed in a future issue, e-mail her your problem at nazarian@brandeis.edu.

Dear Rachel:

Last week I let my friend borrow a nice shirt when she wanted to go out to a club. I got it back (I had to ask for it) and noticed a stain. I tried washing it, and it won't come out. I'm really pissed and don't know how I should deal with this.

-- "Steaming Over Shirt"





Dear "Steaming":

It appears you are genuinely disappointed by the disregard your friend held for your possession. As is usually the case with life, there are different courses of action that can be taken. You can either approach her, or not. If not, you'll probably steep in your own anger until you boil over. Then, driven by emotion, you might address the issue and later regret the manner in which you do; but, I suggest you attempt to address the problem now, by more level and focused means.

Tell her you noticed a spot on the shirt after she returned it; you suspect she might have unintentionally spilled something (we'll just assume she didn't notice the stain, and therefore never mentioned it). Add that she should make an effort to remove the stain. Keep in mind she may not be able to fully undo the damage she has done. If this is the case, you'll need to understand what people have been saying for years: Accidents happen. Nevertheless, recognize whether her behavior is a trend. Does she seem to lack regard for your items regularly? Does she seem legitimately apologetic? Next time, be more careful about who you lend your possessions to, and be prepared to cope with unfortunate mishaps. For now, if fitting: Toss the shirt, save the friendship.

-- Rachel



Dear Rachel:

Due to certain events taken place this past summer, I have been forced to transfer out of Brandeis and into a state school in Texas. But, I find that I'm experiencing extreme culture shock, as I am in a place where football is more important than one's GPA, supporting gay rights will get you dirty looks and there are very few Jews. What advice do you have for me to cope with this situation?

-- "Transferred to Texas"



Dear "Transferred":

You must excuse me should I seem a bit offended by your accusations of Texas, as I am from the Lone Star State myself. Granted, there are few Jews, and football is a major sport. But, you have jumped into a situation with an immediate assumption of outcome. Texas is more than narrow minds and football. Further, you limit your options and means of happiness through your stereotyping.

I understand that such a change in ones life is difficult; I understand how you play the role of the "minority." Let me offer this advice: Until you are ready to face this new world alone, keep in contact with your friends from Brandeis. They may present the stability and empathy you require at this point. Update them on your progress. I'm sure they would be fascinated by the many experiences you're having. Simultaneously, involve yourself with activities on campus. It is quite possible that some people need to be educated with regards to gay rights, Jewish life and alternate studying habits.

Although intimidating, this is an opportunity for you to test your adaptation abilities. Share yourself while acknowledging how others choose to live their life. Truly, the key to success is to have faith in yourself, appreciate what Texas and its culture has to offer, and embrace your brave new world.

-- Rachel



Dear Rachel:

My best friend is now dating my ex-boyfriend, who is still a close friend of mine. She never approached me about wanting to ask him out, and now I feel betrayed by both of them. How can I prevent the demise of both of these friendships?

-- "Dealing with Duo"



Dear "Dealing":

Much like a previous response, I emphatically recommend you address this issue. Sit down with either friend separately, explaining why you feel dismayed by their behavior. They seemed to disregard your reaction and emotions in their attempt to pair up; whether this was intentional or not, I can't say. Nonetheless, I would be quite shocked to find they simply "didn't realize" you would be greatly affected by their actions.

If they are indeed your close friends, they would have certainly predicted an intense response, and a need for discussion. I will add their actions did not necessitate your approval more than simply your notice. In order to recoup both of your relationships, you must avoid the mistake they both made, and instead; communicate. To their knowledge or not, they must renew your faith and trust in them. Friends have the capability to cause much pain, as they are the ones we truly rely on. Remember that a bad friend can be more dangerous than an enemy. Regarding this past incident, their behavior was inconsiderate and poorly thought out. Whose life would be so emotionally impacted by their decision as yours? Had they been more attentive they would have taken measures to guarantee your better adjustment. Further, they still can help you adjust to this new state of affairs.

Discuss your thoughts: Do you feel comfortable with your friends dating? If not, voice your reasoning. You may need to spend less time with them together, and more time with each friend individually. You might even have to lay boundaries for how much you care to hear about the relationship, and how much of a mediating position you'll play (or not play). A situation such as this can be tricky and delicate, but you should first address why you were not consulted. Good friends should have your emotions in mind at all times. Additionally, if this relationship makes them happy, take a deep breath and accept it. Your part as a good friend must be played too.

--- Rachel





Humorous letter of the week:


Dear Rachel:

I'm in love with my professor. She's sooooo sexy. Where do you think I should take her for dinner?

-- "Learning of Love"



Dear "Learning":

Let me enlighten you a little. Your struggle with the decision between Sherman and Usdan is a waste of energy. Some lines should not be crossed. Take a step back and find yourself someone new. Granted, you may find yourself attracted to her. Here we practice self-control. Keep it professional, turn in your papers on time, and move on. This is one woman who is not going to be as impressed with your extra WhoCash as others may be.

-- Rachel