These letters have all been sent in by actual Brandeis students. Their names have been changed to protect their anonymity. The advice given out in this column is solely the opinion of Rachel Nazarian '03, the Justice's new advice guru. Please use this advice at your own risk -- the Justice is not to be held liable for any positive or negative consequences of your decisions. If you are interested in obtaining advice from Rachel, to be printed in a future issue, e-mail her your problem at nazarian@brandeis.edu.Dear Rachel:

I am a freshman at Brandeis, and I'm trying my best to adjust, but I have a problem: My mom calls me at least once a day! Sometimes I'm way too busy to talk, or I'm just not in the mood to listen to her. How can I get her to understand that I have to be on my own, and can't have her calling me all the time?
-- "Tired of the Telephone"

Dear "Tired":

This is a common problem students face when they first leave home. Amending this situation takes understanding by both parties.

When you were at home, your mother probably interacted with you every day, knowing when you were upset or cheerful. Adjusting to your absence is difficult for her. Understand that she is trying to keep a close relationship with her child. College is a time in your life where independence is imperative, however, and if she is calling you more than once a day, it can begin to disrupt your independent growth. I advise that you address this problem with your mother, explaining that you're trying to adjust to your new way of life and you're going to need a little bit of space.
Suggest a time when you will call her each night, or every other night, and tell her about your day. This will give you the authority to determine the best time to talk. Let her hear about the things you've been doing: Or at least some of them. She'll begin to understand that you're busy with your new life, and the calls will become less frequent. If you find that you have too little time for even a phone call, e-mail instead. Try not to forget your parents are also adjusting to this new phase of life. Any communication they can have with you becomes comforting. As life shifts for the both of you, and you are consumed with the work and world around you, you'll probably speak with each other only occasionally. But, for the first few weeks, make the change easier for everyone by keeping in touch.

-- Rachel

Dear Rachel:

I've been hooking up with a girl for the last few weeks. I never considered it to be serious, but now she wants us to be public! I don't get it. I thought we were just having fun. I'm not ready to get involved with her, and I'm not looking for something serious. How do I get out of this mess?

-- "Kissed Into a Corner"

Dear "Kissed":

Lets get something straight: You're involved with this girl whether you want to be or not. From the second you put your hands on her, you were drawn into a delicate situation. By not knowing what someone expects, you leave yourself vulnerable to surprises like this. The summary of your circumstance:- She wants a relationship; you want nothing more than the physical. Since neither one of you discussed future plans, you're not to blame for the state you're in. But, now that you know what she's thinking, you must be fair.
Here your road with her ends. The hard part is telling her. Don't expect her to agree to continue the relationship you had before; expect her to be upset. Be honest, be kind, and remember that she must have truly cared for you if she wanted a deeper relationship. But, you need to end your involvement with her as soon as possible. Find someone who is looking for the same level of commitment as you.

-- Rachel

Dear Rachel:

My roommate is crazy. I'm not even kidding. She's always screaming about something, making a mess, or just acting freaky. I really can't take it anymore. We're nothing alike, and I hate going back to my room. How do I get rid of her?

--"Stuck with Psycho"

Dear "Stuck":

I'm sure that many people recalling their freshman year can empathize with you. Personally, I too feel your pain. It took many weeks before I interacted smoothly with both my roommates (yes, I had two other roommates -- in an unnatural triple, no less). Having nothing in common with either one of them, I thought my situation was hopeless. Surprisingly though, it became enjoyable to live with such unique people. Having a roommate so distinct adds to the experience of attending college, sometimes testing one's patience. It is, however, very necessary to discuss certain rules of the room. Agree on a set time to turn out lights for bed, certain rules about music (headphones always, etc.), and when to have friends visit. There are certain life practices that must be coordinated.

But sometimes, even with much time, two people are too different to live with each other; lifestyles occasionally clash. If you find that she is truly making life difficult, and cannot agree on ways to share the space, forgo the arguments and trauma, and instead approach your Resident Adviser. They are equipped with methods of finding a better match for you and your roommate. With any luck, you'll soon be in a different setting. Until then, agree on the basics, try your hardest to understand where her behavior stems from, and file the whole experience under "college."

-- Rachel

Dear Rachel:

I think everything about Brandeis sucks: The people suck, and there's no social life. I hate the campus, and I hate the classes. What do you recommend?

--"Whining in Waltham"

Dear "Whining":

Transfer.

-- Rachel